“I’m surprised they wouldn’t still have let you sit on the sidelines with the rest of your team, though.”
“Oh, they told me I could next week, but I’m not even supposed to be here at all today. Coach said to stay home and keep it elevated through the weekend.”
“Hmm.” I give her the mom face, raised eyebrow, and all. On my other side, I can practically feel Alex’s eye roll, though when I glance over, he doesn’t bother to look up from his phone. “Don’t you think you should be taking her advice, then?”
Priya’s warm brown skin darkens with a soft blush. She avoids my eyes when she says, “This is a big game. I wanted to be here to support Matt.” She punctuates her statement with a shy shoulder raise, flipping her long, dark hair out of her face.
I can’t help but smile—they really are so cute together. The thought has me reminiscing about young love, and high school sweethearts, and … Riley, of course. Back when we were in high school, I’d thought we’d be together forever—had even imagined that one day we’d be here at Llyn Lakes High, cheering on our own kids, though in my mind they’d always been playing basketball like their dad. Now, the man I’d once believed was my one-and-only is back and seemingly making a play for reconciliation after many years, and so very much water under that burned-out bridge.
And was it everburned.
It had already been smoldering by the time I’d gone to the city to confront him, but he’d added gasoline to that fire when he’d turned away from me—turned towards another woman instead. Before he’d shown back up in town this summer, it had been a long while since I’d allowed myself to remember that night. The pain of his betrayal had remained so fresh for so very long that it had affected my relationship with Sam for years before I’d smartened up and shoved it down deep where it belonged. I guess it had been too little too late, though, for the damage had seemingly already been done.
My relationship with Sam hadn’t had a very strong foundation to begin with, and he’d known from the start my heart wasn’t actually mine to give. It had stayed, though shredded and broken, with another man who in the end hadn’t deserved it. A man whose name I’d never spoken to Sam, not once. I guess we’d both hoped that with time, things might change. That we’d come to love each other for the sake of our children. Instead, the distance between us had grown. Sure, we’d had good times—mostly centered around the boys—and for a while, he’d been a good dad, but once certain things had come to light about my past, there had been no recovering from it. I wasn’t all that surprised when he didn’t come home from work one day, though I’d been heartbroken for my boys when it had become clear he wasn’t only cutting me off, but them as well.
I’d spent over twelve years with that man, but his absence had paled in comparison to the hole Riley’s abandonment had left in my life and in my heart. When Riley had returned to Llyn Lakes, I’d promptly reached down into the depths of my soul and pulled out my shattered heart. Then I’d proceeded to flay myself open with the memories of that night. It had been unavoidable then—and maybe I’d needed to do it—because, surprisingly, now, months later, it didn’t feel quite so sharp. The pain I’d lived with for years, then avoided for years, was now dulled. Lessened, somehow.
Sticking with the bridge metaphor, I’m starting to wonder now if maybe itcanactually be repaired. Rebuilt. Riley’s made nosecret about what he wants. He wantsme. But, dulled pain or not, can we really move past everything that happened back then?
A few months ago, I would have saidhell no, but now?
Well, now I can grudgingly admit that the man is wearing me down. That my heart skips a beat whenever I see him … that I lunge a little too eagerly for my phone when I hear the tone that indicates I have a new text message. That I’m even a little bit disappointed whenever it turns out not to be him.
I love it when he sends me a silly joke or meme.
I love seeing pictures of his cute little dog and hearing him call Connor his sidekick.
Every new encounter with Riley weakens my defenses a little bit more and has me wondering: would it be so bad? Maybe we actuallycouldend up together as I’d once dreamed. But then I remember there are other reasons why that’s not a good idea. Onebigone in particular—
The noise of the crowd suddenly rises in a crescendo of angry shouting, and my attention is called for the first time to the field where the Lions have just scored a touchdown.
Crap.
My heart sinks as I search for my son. I find him easily down by the end zone, hands on his hips, and shaking his head. It’s too far to make out, especially with his helmet on, but I can easily imagine the frustration and disappointment on his face. I send him a silent reminder:It’s only the first quarter, Matty.
The booing and shouting continue as the kicker jogs onto the field and successfully scores the extra point.
Lions 7 – Eagles 0.
Priya and I share a glum look before turning back to the field to watch our boy play his heart out.
“What’s with you and that guy?” Alex asks me a short time later while Priya is distracted chatting with a group of girls sitting a row below us.
“What guy?” I ask, though I know full well who he’s talking about. It seems the man is on everyone’s mind tonight. I guess after two encounters where I’d looked guilty as hell, I shouldn’t be surprised Alex would have questions. I’d actually been prepared for him to ask after he’d found us standing so close together on the porch that one night, but he hadn’t. Now that he’s brought it up, I find I need an extra moment to compose myself.
He raises an eyebrow at me as if to say, ‘Really, Mom?’
“Aidan’s brother,” he mumbles. “Ryan or whatever.”
“Riley,” I correct, to probably the tenth round of eye rolling today. “He’s a friend from when I was young. I haven’t seen him in a long time, but now that he’s back in town, we’ve … just … been spending a bit of time together.”
I bite my lip and shrug, not sure what else to say.
“A friend,” he repeats, voice dripping with disbelief.
I let out a long breath and meet my son’s eyes.
“Okay. You’re right. We were more than friends once upon a time. Before I met your dad, Riley was my boyfriend.” Alexfrowns at the mention of his father, or maybe it’s at the thought of his mother having once dated. “We were together for over two years in high school,” I continue, “but it didn’t last after he went away to college. Up until a few months ago, I hadn’t seen him in seventeen years.”
