I nod again.But I’m ready to share it now.
“So you’re together?” Lucy asks, “Like, really together?”
“Yeah.” I smile. “We’re still taking things slow …ish. We still have stuff to work out, but … it’s good. It’sreallygood.”
I think about Riley and how he’s been showing up for the boys and me, in big ways and smaller ones too. Showing me again and again that I can count on him, that he’sinit with me.
And sometimes it’s those smaller things that seem to mean the most.
I think of him learning to game so he can relate better with the boys. So they have something to do together. I think of him showing up every weekend to mow the lawn, and digging out flower beds along the back fence and by the front porch for me to plant to my heart’s content. I think about him making dinner for us, now, several times a week, and of course, him leaving work on the nights I close the library to make sure I get home safely.
“I’m happy for you.” Piper grins, and I know it’s in response to my own smile. The one that crept across my face just now while I was lost in thoughts of him.
“Me too,” Lucy says, but she still looks unsure.
I raise an eyebrow at her in question.
“Well, you say it’s really good. And sometimes I do catch you staring off into the distance and smiling, like you did just now—which I totally get, by the way,” she adds, and Piper nods in agreement. “But you haven’t necessarily been behaving like a woman who’s blissfully in love. Like … why were you guys keeping it on the down low for so long? And what was the deal with the fight you had that day at the beach?”
“You saw that?”
Lucy rolls her eyes.
“Everyone saw you disappear up the path with him, then you came back alone and upset.”
I sigh. “Well, that goes back to the part about us still having things to work out.”
“Is it the boys?”
“Yes, and no. I wanted to ease them into the idea of us dating, but they’ve been spending time with Riley for a while now, and have more or less given us their blessing …” I trail off, blushing when I think about the night Matt busted us for sneaking around.
“So what’s the problem then?” she prompts, reaching for a cracker.
“Well, that kind of goes back to the drunken hook-up part.”
Lucy raises her eyebrows, and Piper says, “I was wondering when we’d circle back to that.”
“I told people Sam left without a word, and that’s true, but … I knew it was coming.” I pause. “And I knewwhy.”
Lucy and Piper exchange a look, surprised at the turn I’ve taken yet again in my story. They each take a fortifying sip of wine before nodding for me to proceed.
I let out another long sigh before continuing. “Things had devolved slowly between us over the years. We’d only gotten married because I was expecting Matty.”
“Ahhh … ” Lucy says in understanding.
“When we met, I was still heartbroken over Riley. It had only been a couple of weeks, but my friend Katie convinced me to attend this party. She thought I needed to get drunk and let loose.Well, I let loose, alright. And Sam was a decent enough guy. He came on a bit strong at first, but he was drunk, too, so it wasn’t like he took advantage. I knew what I was doing when I went upstairs with him. I wanted to erase the memories, erase Riley’s touch …” I trail off, shaking my head at the futility of it. “It didn’t work. Nothing ever has when it comes to that man. I’ve never been able to excise him from my memory or my heart.”
Piper gives me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been so hard, missing him all these years.”
“Yes,” I whisper, my eyes starting to sting with the promise of tears.
“So what happened?” Lucy asks, reaching across the table to top up my glass, which I’m surprised to find is nearly empty. She does the same for Piper as I continue.
“Well, I left that party never expecting to see Sam again.” I shoot them a wry look. “That obviously didn’t happen. When I found out I was pregnant, our parents convinced us to get married. We both dropped out of school and got jobs, and, for a while, we tried to make it work. Alex came along, and things were okay. I was happy with my boys, but … Sam and I were never truly in love.”
“That doesn’t explain why he left without a trace, though. I can understand things not working out between the two of you, but to leave his kids … ?” Lucy’s lip curls in a sneer, and I know she’s not thinking just of Sam but of her own deadbeat dad. “Maybe it’s all these new maternal hormones, but I can’t imagine ever walking away from my child,” she says. “And I know Noah feels the same.”
“I never could,” I agree. Even knowing where Sam’s head was at, I’ll never understand that.
