“Well?”
I blow out a harsh breath. “Well, how much did he tell you?”
She crosses her arms. “Everything.”
“Then you know I wasn’t sure at first. And, once I realized … well, I thought it was for the best. He wasn’t here—
“ButIwas,” Nora says vehemently, thumping her chest. “I was right here, Steph.”
I nod, dropping my eyes to the floor. Dappled sunlight makes shapes across the old ceramic tile as the leaves on the tree next to my kitchen window move in the breeze—a cheerful contrast to the conversation unfolding around it.
“I’m his grandmother,” she adds, voice cracking. “And I was right here all along.”
“I know, Nora. But my marriage was already on shaky ground. I didn’t think—” I pause, squeezing my eyes shut. “You have to understand … I was scared. Riley was gone and had made it very clear he didn’t want to be found. I had nothing in common with my friends anymore, who were all living it up and partying in college. They faded away. Even my parents were barely there. Once they moved to Florida, I became like an afterthought. They’ve never shown much interest in their grandkids. So yeah, I was scared of losing Sam. He was all I had left, and if he found out …” I huff out a humorless laugh.
At some point during my monologue, Nora had moved closer. She rests a hand on my shoulder now, her face softening in understanding.
“It happened anyway. Sam left, and I’mstillscared. I’m never not scared. I avoided you for years for fear you’d take one good look at my son’s eyes and just know. Riley came home, and I was afraid to let him get close for fear he’d figure it out. And then he did, and now he knows, and Aidan knows, and you—and I’m fucking terrified, Nora, that I’ll lose my son next. That I’ll lose both of my sons when they find out.”
Nora squeezes my shoulder, and I meet her eyes. Her tears are flowing freely now, and I realize, as she draws me in, as she wraps maternal arms around me, as I rest my wet face on her shoulder, that mine are as well.
“We won’t let that happen.”
Shestaysforhours.
I make tea, and we finally settle at the table. The tears have long since dried up, and we smile tiredly at each other, both puffy and red-faced, but now more or less at peace. I tell her everything she wants to know about Matty, and just like her son, she’s equally invested in learning about Alex. In her mind, we’re all family. The boys are both her grandkids, and she’s excited to get to know them better.
“I can relate, you know.”
I raise an eyebrow in question.
“The circumstances may have been different, but I raised two sons alone, too.”
“You did,” I agree.
“I kept an eye on you all these years for exactly that reason. I felt for you. When your parents moved away, when Sam left. Because I could relate.” She thumps a hand on the table, rattling the empty teacups in their saucers.
“I know, Nora. And you reached out your hand to me so many times.”
“I offered to watch the boys, and you always declined. I invited you to family get-togethers, holiday parties …”
“And you did it without even knowing the truth. You did it because you’re a kind person. And I’m sorry I kept you at arm’s length for so long.”
“It was hard watching you struggle. More than once, I lamented to Jack about you having no help, that those boys had no family around …” She trails off, and her eyes well up once more.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, full of regret but also certain I wouldn’t have done anything different given the chance. Fear has ruled my life for so very long.
She sits back in her chair, swiping at her cheeks and shaking her head.
“No, I’m sorry. What’s done is done, and we don’t need to rehash it again. What we need to do is move forward.”
“Yes,” I agree, but my stomach twists with nerves.
“You’re gonna let my boy see his boy,” she says firmly, and though I’d already come to this decision even before our talk, I nod. She leans forward, reaching across the table to pat my hand encouragingly. “I know you’re afraid, but we’re family, honey, and we’re going to get through this the way family does.” I stare down at our joined hands, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. She ducks her face to catch my gaze—hers is full of hope and … something else. Determination. “We’re going to get through it together.”
37
Steph
