“You don’t have to wait for me.”
“I’m going to carry you back,” I reply.
“Okay, well you don’t have to turn your back on me.”
“I was just trying to give you some privacy.”
“You literally just licked me where the sun doesn’t shine. You’ve been present for all of my pelvic exams including the ultrasound with that fun little wand thingy. And you’ll be present–I hope–to watch me push a person out of my vag. I’m pretty sure you can watch me pee, Noah.” I’m still turned away from her, but I can hear the smile in her voice.
The toilet flushes.
“Well, when you put it like that …” I spin back around and offer her a wry smile. I carry her back to the bedroom and plop her unceremoniously onto the mattress. Lucy giggles again and I dive back in beside her, curling an arm around her middle. She rests a hand over my heart and tucks her face into my neck. She breathes deeply, inhaling my scent. It makes me smile, and I hope it comforts her in the same way hers does me. I tuck her in closer to my body planting a light kiss on the top of her head.
“Noah?”
“Yeah?”
A pause. Then, “What are we doing?”
“Hmmm. Still recovering from the epic-ness of earlier,” I murmur into her hair.
“I meanus.What arewedoing?”
Ah. So we're finally going to have this conversation. This long overdue conversation.
I’m unsure of what she’s hoping to hear.
“I don’t know …” I admit.
But I know whatIwant.
She’s silent for a long while, letting that sink in. Then, she says, “You must really hate that. The not knowing.” Her voice is light but I can hear the worry beneath it. She says it as though she’s trying to ease my inner conflict. But I’m not conflicted. What Idon’tknow is whatshewants. At least not for sure.
“Yeah, I do. I do hate that. The not knowing. But …” I squeeze her tighter to me to reinforce what I’m about to say. “But this–us–it feels right.”
“Yeah, it does,” she says quietly, and I feel her smile against my shoulder. She pulls her face from my neck and tilts her head back to make eye contact with me. And, I’m unable to contain the words any longer. I feel them stirring inside me as I gaze down at everything I want, nestled snuggly in my arms. I run a thumb along her lower lip and then graze my knuckles against her cheek.
“All this change … all the unpredictability … it should have me running scared, but it doesn’t. Itdoesn’t, Lucy. It has me running towards you.”
She bites her lip and stares up at me with so much emotion in her eyes.
Hope. I think it’s hope that I see gleaming there.
I swallow thickly, holding her gaze, then continue, “Iwantthis. With you. In one single night, you changed my entire life–set it on a completely different path. One that I never thought to even dream for myself.” I shake my head with an incredulous smile. “You blew into my life like a tornado, uprooting all of my carefully laid plans and I couldn’t be happier or more grateful. You’ve changed everything, Luce, and I love you. I love you so much.”
She sucks in a harsh breath and tears spring to her eyes.
“I want us. A real future.Together. Do you want that?” I ask her.
CHAPTER 20
LUCY
His voice shakes with the sentiment. The words ring in my ears, words that I never thought I’d hear but that, I realize, I’ve wanted to say to him for a while now.
“I love you. I love you so much.”
I feel equal parts excited and terrified at those words. This man has cast a spell over me and I’ve found myself wanting all of the things I never thought I would. Neverdaredto let myself want.
