“What about thiamine?” Noah asks. “Should we be supplementing that?”
Doctor Lee smiles. “You’ve certainly done your homework,” she glances over at me, “this one’s a keeper.”
I smile, but can’t bring myself to say anything or even look in his direction.
I know he is.
Then she continues, looking down at her laptop, “I see here that Nell noted you’re taking a multi-vitamin in addition to your folic acid, so you should already be getting enough thiamine, but itisan essential vitamin for the brain development of the baby and you’re right that deficiency is a concern with extreme morning sickness and hyperemesis gravidarum.” She looks at Noah and I can tell she’s impressed.
So am I, dammit.
“Normally eating a wide variety of foods like whole grains, eggs, and pork would be enough for daily intake, but obviously with the inability to keep food down that can become a concern. I don’t believe we’re there at this point, but it’s not a vitamin you need to worry about in terms of overdose, the body will just metabolize and excrete any excess, so if you’d like to take more for peace of mind feel free.”
“Thank you, doctor,” he murmurs.
A few minutes later the lights are dimmed and she’s got me on my back, feet in the stirrups as she pulls out that fun little ultrasound wand. Noah watches wide-eyed while she covers it with one of those condom thingies, but doesn’t ask any more questions. I can only assume he’s already aware that this first ultrasound is done vaginally, his research having clearly been thorough.
I squeeze my eyes shut briefly at the cold penetration, taking a few deep breaths as I adjust to the intrusion. The doctor wiggles the wand around a little and presses some buttons on the machine. After a moment a light thrumming noise fills the room.
Noah gasps. “Is that–?”
“Mm-hmm,” the doctor nods. “That’s the heartbeat. It’s good and strong.”
Holy shit.
The soft rhythmic sound is … utterly mesmerizing. That’s the sound of my baby’s heart–beating inside me! It’s thrumming sofast–
“I assume that speed is normal?” Noah asks.
Doctor Lee nods. “Completely. Aaaand…” She fiddles some more with the machine and then angles the screen so that we can both see it. “There’s your baby.”
I’m vaguely aware that Noah is on his feet now and has moved to stand beside me, but I can’t take my eyes off of that screen.
It’s just a little grey-looking thing against the round black backdrop of my uterus, but I can clearly distinguish the shape of its head and tiny little limbs.
Oh my God.
The rush of emotion that floods my system as I stare at that little bean moving on the screen is overwhelming, and my eyes begin to sting with tears.
Joy.
Wonder.
The doctor is talking, pointing out details, and explaining that the ears have started to develop along with two tiny nostrils, but I’m only half listening. My whole body is tingling and my heart rate very nearly matches that of the baby’s.
My baby.
When I’m finally able to, I look over at Noah. His eyes are glued to the screen and I don’t think he’s breathing. I reach for his hand and he takes it blindly, the action automatic.
Another moment goes by where we both just take in our little bean. I’m filled with love for this tiny creature I’ve never even met and wasn’t even sure I wanted. The realization that Noah has saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life steals the breath from my lungs.
I can’timaginenot having this baby–mybaby.
Noah squeezes my hand, then, and I manage to tear my gaze away once more. Our eyes meet and I can see that his are shiny and red too. He’s blinking back tears, just as moved by the sight as I am. He swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. The air is heavy and the room just … falls away. Time seems to stand still as we continue to stare into each other’s eyes.
Something profound passes between us, and I suck in a breath.
It’s … the future.
