“You can have ten minutes. At ten minutes, I’m sending up Wren.”
Fuck, he knew I would absolutely let her in on what I was thinking. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to my cheek, and whispered into my ear. “Ten minutes.”
As sick as I felt, I hurried to the stairs. Cam called my name, trying to get my attention, but I knew Tucker would explain.
I headed to my bathroom because I always kept pregnancy tests in my bathroom for this reason. My period happened like clockwork, but the one time I was a day late and panicking, I promised myself I wouldn’t be so unprepared. I had never had unprotected sex before Tucker and Cam, but I have been in a situation where the condom broke, which scared the fuck out of me.
My hands were shaking as I closed my bedroom door and walked into my bathroom, locking the bathroom door just in case Tuck did send up Wren. I immediately went to the vanity and opened the cabinet. I skimmed the directions, then opened the package. I walked over to the toilet, test in hand, and peed on the stick. It was a three-minute wait to see if I was pregnant. A million things ran through my head.
Was I ready to be a mom? If I am pregnant, is the birth control in my arm hurting the fetus? Would they be happy? Am I happy? I always knew I wanted a kid or two, but is now the time? What would work look like now? How am I going to do this? How did I get pregnant on birth control?
I paced my bathroom, playing with a curl that fell loose from the bun on top of my head. I needed to look. Fuck the three minutes. It’s been over two weeks since I was supposed to have my period. If I were pregnant, I doubt it would take a full three minutes to show.
The test was lying face down on my counter. I gripped the edge of the counter, steadying my breath and trying to gain the mental strength I needed to flip over the test. I closed one eye, turning my head slightly as I slowly flipped the test over. As I turned the test over, my closed eye opened. I brought the testup to my face quickly, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
Positive.
It was positive. I was pregnant.
I set down the test, backing away from the counter. The walls felt as though they were closing in. I backed out of the bathroom as if the test would attack me when I turned around. I grabbed a jacket from my room and practically ran downstairs to the front door. When I looked up from sliding on my boots, everyone was staring at me in absolute shock.
Cam walked over to me, closely followed by Tucker. “Where are you going? It’s freezing out there.”
Tears clouded my vision as I tried to form words. “I- I just need to go. I need a walk. I won’t be long.” Not waiting for the reply, I turned the knob and braced myself for the cold.
After walking a little over fifteen minutes, absolutely freezing my ass off, I made a left turn into Meadowshade Cemetery. I walked until I found the headstone that read Sebastian River Rhodes. As soon as I reached it, I fell to my knees and cried. I cried like that eleven-year-old girl who was told her dad was never coming back. I cried like the frustrated teenage who had no choice but to accept her brother’s help. I cried like the woman who thought she had lost her dad’s house to a storm. I cried until there was nothing left.
And then I talked.
“Hi, Dad.” I gave a slight pause as if he would respond, and maybe he did, and I just couldn’t feel him or see him. “You’re going to be a grandfather.” I wiped my icy hand under my eyes, drying the tears as they fell. “I have a lot to say. So I am just going to ramble and try to get through this. I am so angry with you. I hate that you left me in a broken home. I hate that you didn’t say goodbye and that you never cared to call or come back for me. I am so angry you gave up on Reed and Anessa. But at the same time, I miss you, and I hate that I miss you, Dad.Living in your old house is just a reminder that I never even knew you. You lived here the whole time, and I had no idea. I’m pregnant and in love, and you’re not here. I did everything right, and it still didn’t bring you back.” I placed a hand on the headstone, letting out a shaky breath. “After mom died while having me, it was just us for years until you met Anessa. We were so happy. I hate that you left. I needed you then, dad and I need you now. I loved you then, and I love you now. Your little duckie loves you, Dad.” Using the nickname he had been calling me since I learned to walk sent a cascade of tears down my cheek. This time, I let them fall.
* * *
When I started my walk back to my house, feeling a little lighter. Oddly, I received a call from an unknown number. I cautiously answered the call.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is Harper Rhodes there?” The voice on the other line sounded vaguely familiar, almost like something I’ve heard in a dream or maybe from a lost memory.
“Who’s speaking?” I asked, a little annoyed that they didn't state who they were from the beginning.
“It’s Anessa.”
I stalled, almost dropping my phone. I hadn’t heard her voice in, God, it had been maybe a decade. I didn’t even know what to say.
“I know this is probably very shocking, maybe even a little traumatic, if that's the right word. But I have stuff I need to say to you. Can we talk?”
All I could say was, “Yes.” I was completely numb.
“First off, I am so sorry, sweetie. I am so sorry for everything I put you, your father, and Reed through. My addiction tore apart our family, and I am so sorry. Second, I know it’s beenyears since I tried reaching out to you or Reed, but I am finally clean. I didn’t want to call you two and relapse and ruin everything again, but I am good. I have been clean for two years today, and I am ready to either make amends or give you both the closure you may need. I am willing to put in the work to try to make up for the massive mistakes I made.” She took a long, deep breath in, and as she did, I followed suit. I walked slowly towards my house as she continued. “Before Bash, your dad, passed, we had been in contact for about a year. I was sober but not stable enough to talk to my kids again. I am so sorry for the wasted years, sweetie. I failed both you and your brother, and I am so sorry.”
I wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks and talked through gritted teeth, “What is it that you want then, Anessa?”
“I want to be in both of your lives again. I’m ready to be whatever you guys need me to be. Whether that’s a mom or a friend. I want to be there.”
I let out a strained laugh, looking towards the sky. Well, played, Dad. This is you giving me a sign, huh? My brain hurt. This was too much to process and think about right now. I just found out I was pregnant. Since my mom passed, Anessa was the only mom I had ever known, and now she was ready to fill that role again. It was too hard to figure out the right thing without talking to Reed, but that conversation can come later.
“Okay.”
