ZAAADDDYYY
Zion
Asher…?
Me
I’m not ghosting. I’m thinking
Benji
What else is there to think about? What can we help you work through?
Me
I just want to be the best parent to Bea. And I’m afraid of what it will do to her
Zion
Take it from me. The best way to be a parent is to be the best possible version of yourself. Full stop. Humans aren’t meant to be alone. Don’t be afraid to show Bea what it means to live. Stop hiding yourself from your daughter. She deserves to see you cry, to love someone…to be human
Benji
Ash…?
Zion
You better not be ghosting us
Raymond
He’s not ghosting us…
41
Asher
“You’re not doing it right,”Bea cries, her wet hair drenching the counter next to the kitchen sink.
“Dolly, I’m trying,” I grouse.
Shehumphs. “That’s not how Claire does it.”
Feeling utterly defeated for not playing beauty salon up to my daughter’s standard, I force myself to breathe and count to five—or fifteen—before speaking. “Can you explain it to me, please?”
She crosses her arms. “No. I want Claire.”
Those three words are like ripping open the gaping wound that is my chest cavity and pouring alcohol into it.
Bea and I may not agree on how to play make-believe, but our feelings are mutual when it comes to Claire. We miss her.
She catapults herself off the counter, and my dad reflexes kick in. I catch her and set her on the floor, then wrap a towel around her hair. Fortunately, the shampoo has already been rinsed out. I’m still in the dark about what Claire does differently, but I let it go.
“I’ll be right back.” I stride down the hall and into my bathroom. I need a minute.
Sitting on the edge of the tub, I rest my elbows on my thighs and cradle my head in my hands. The scent of vanilla invades my olfactory receptors. When I suggested to Bea that we play beauty salon—because she wouldn’t let me wash her hair otherwise—she handed me the bottles of shampoo and conditioner Claire left behind.
When my phone rings in the other room, I don’t move. I prefer to sit here and torture myself by remaining engulfed in the scent of the woman who got away. Let me wallow, god dammit.
