He sits on the bench and I follow suit.
“I haven’t been out to visit in a while,” he murmurs, his head down.
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“Been busy.” He lifts a brow in my direction.
Realization hits like a slap to the face. “I hope I… It’s not because of me, is it?”
He shrugs, which absolutely makes me feel like a terrible person. “Ash, I never meant to keep you?—”
“Stop,” he grits out. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, don’t.”
That tightness in my chest returns. “But?—”
“I mean it, Claire.” His words are sharp but not cruel. “I used to come out here so often because I felt like it was the only place I could be alone with her. Where I could talk to her in private.”
As a doctor, I often become a sounding board for people who need to spill their vulnerable thoughts. But digging into such deep emotions is new for us. He hasn’t been all that forthcoming about his wife, and I haven’t wanted to pry. After all, we’re not in a relationship. Sure, we’re hooking up and have found ourselves in a bit of a situationship, but we’re not acouple.
I brush my toes over the river rocks, then bend to pick one up, finding a faded flower painted on it.
“What are these?”
He takes the rock from me and rubs his thumb over it, showing me where “Daisy,” has been painted on it. The word is barely visible due to sun damage.
“The year after she died, when we reopened the camp, guests painted these.” He picks up another one. This time a bumblebee.
“That’s really sweet.”
Two people on jet skis cruise across the water, their squeals snagging our attention as they race by.
He gently drops the rocks onto the ground and they clank together. “We had big plans, you know.”
“Hmm?”
“What Daisy’s family built out here is incredible, but she always envisioned more. Bigger too. She wanted inclusivity for children. I drafted blueprints for a state-of-the-art children’s center with every accessibility design I could get my hands on. We were going to call it The Hive.”
I tilt my head, studying his expression. “Why The Hive?”
“Because Daisy wanted a ton of kids. We used to joke that she wanted a whole hive since bees are attracted to?—”
“Daisies,” I say with a genuine smile. “That’s really sweet. Isthat what you still want?” I ask, a dose of bravery pushing me along.
“Of course. The blueprints are still in my drawer.”
“No,” I say, my stomach flipping. “More kids, I mean.”
We’re both looking out at the horizon, but the way his body locks up beside me is palpable. I asked him about kids once, the night he first fucked me bare, but he quickly changed the subject. My heart thumps heavily with the hope that he’ll give me more this time.
“I don’t want Bea to be alone.”
That doesn’t exactly answer my question, but I don’t prod any further. It’s none of my business anyway.
Sailboats, paddleboards, and jet skis float by as we sit in silence. Though I’m desperate for him to let me in, to tell me his thoughts, I remain quiet, giving him the space to speak if he wishes to.
Before long, a giant cloud eats up the sun, and the temperature drops. Just as a shiver rolls through me, he says, “Ready to head back?”
Together we make our way over to the boat, slipping our feet into our shoes when we approach the dock. Asher helps me onboard, then like a rabbit out of a hat, he procures a long-sleeve shirt from a stowing compartment and tugs it over my head without a word.
