“Any time I’ve thought about marriage, I’ve pictured marrying a woman. I don’t know why.” She shrugs. “For years, I haven’t let myself stray from that vision. Being bi can be so complex. And I guess I thought that if I married a man, then I’d be betraying the part of me who fights so hard to convince people that the B in LGBT is real. I am the B, you know?”
I nod. I can’t pretend to understand what it’s like to be queer, but I want her to know that her feelings are worth listening to.
“There’s so much stigma, even in the queer community, surrounding bisexuality. It’s hard not to worry that if I marry a man—one day, of course—I’ll be erased from the community.”
As much as I want to tell her that she shouldn’t have to prove her sexuality to anyone, I remain silent.
“Logically I know that’s not true. It’s just taking me time to rethink my future.”
“And what do you see in your future now?” I grab her hands and rub my thumbs over her smooth skin.
Please say me.
She pulls them away, and my heart sinks. “There’s more.” She sighs. “When I think about your future, I see you as a father.You’re practically one to Kane now. It’s only a matter of time before you get full custody, right?”
Teeth pressed into my bottom lip, I nod. “That’s the plan.”
“The desire to have kids of your own is written all over your stupidly handsome face.” She waves a hand in front of me. “And… and I’m afraid I won’t be able to give that to you. I can’t be certain, of course, but between what the doctor has told me and what I’ve googled”—she says that last part under her breath—“it’s a possibility. It’s wild to talk about having children together when we’ve only started dating, but I’d hate for things to get too serious and for hearts to get broken.” Her eyes go misty, her focus set on my face.
Fuck, I yearn to wipe her tears away. “Millie…”
“Wait.” She holds out a hand, fingers splayed. “You’re going to say none of that matters, but stop and think.Doesn’t it? Doesn’t it matter to you that you one day have kids?”
With a deep inhale and exhale, I study her face, waiting to see whether she’s got more to say. “Is it my turn?”
She nods.
“Fine.” I gather her hands in mine, and this time, she doesn’t pull away. “I can’t sit here and tell you it wouldn’t be a disappointment if I didn’t get to see your beautiful body round with my child.” My eyes dip to her stomach. “And I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t turn me on just thinking about it. But there are other ways to have a family. People do it all the time. Take Cam’s parents, for example.”
The confused frown that mars her face tells me she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
“He’s an IVF baby.”
Her eyes widen, and her breath catches.
“So it’s not impossible. Plus, I’d be open to adoption. But Millie, even if none of those work out, it will be okay.”
A single tear rolls down her cheek, and this time I do wipe it away.
“But how do you know?” she asks.
“Because I’ll have you.”
34
Millie
EZRA ANDKANEdon’t let me go back to my apartment the next night. Or the night after that. But by the third night, I’m officially behind in recording for LULU, and if I don’t get started on the audiobook for an indie romance I was hired to narrate, I’ll hate myself later. Ezra begs me to stay, which is tempting, especially when I envision him getting on his knees. Even so, I force myself to leave so I can tend to my responsibilities.
When I return to my apartment, Peg and Fran bring over a fresh plate of chocolate chip scones and their opinions. They gush about how much they enjoyed meeting Ezra and hope to see more of him, and they don’t hold back.
“Will he be moving in here, or will we have to say goodbye to another one of our girls?” They’re still upset with Joey for moving out, and I’m the one who has to suffer with the guilt trips.
“No one said anything about moving in.” Though the image of Ezra and I sharing a bed permanently has crossed my mind.
My plants are completely dead. All I can do is laugh about it. That’s one stereotype about being bisexual that stands true for me.
I record two erotic stories and an hour’s worth of the audiobook before my vocal cords raise a white flag. Just as I’ve settled into bed with a mug of lemon and honey tea and have cued up an episode ofNew Girl, my phone buzzes with a text from Stevie.
