“Do you think we’re moving too fast?” More than anything, that’s what I want to know.
“Doyou?”
I blow a raspberry at her. “C’mon,” I whine, fully embracing my inner brat. “I need my best friend to tell me what to do.”
She puts her hand on top of mine and squeezes. “You know that’s not how this works.”
After I drain my mimosa, she pours me a refill. This time it’s strictly champagne. “Now tell me what you’re really afraid of.”
I lick the sweet frosting from my lips and dust the sconecrumbs off my dress while I collect my thoughts. “I’m scared, Mills. I’m scared of what might happen between us. When I think about a partner, Cam’s everything I’d want.” I lift my glass to my lips and savor the way the dry bubbles sting my throat on the way down.
“Love can be scary, babes. But it can also be beautiful and transformative.”
“Who said anything about love?” I bristle. The four-letter word makes my stomach sink.
My ex used to tell me he loved me, and we all know how that turned out. The word feels tainted now.
My cousin chews on the tip of her thumbnail. “Sounds like you’re afraid of getting your heart broken.”
“I’m fucking terrified.” The words tumble right out of my mouth. Relationships come with far too much risk of vulnerability and potential for heartbreak. Do I want to bare my soul to another? Share my fears and insecurities? My imperfections?
“I built up walls after my breakup. Even with my mom. I keep her at arm’s length for fear of disappointment.”
“And you think Cam will disappoint you too?”
I nod. “He’s too good to be true. What if I lose myself in him like I did with my ex? What if I become so wrapped up in his dreams that I forget about mine? What if he shatters my heart?” I’m spiraling and I know it.
“Worrying about things going wrong won’t make things go right.”
I scoff. “Did you get that from a fortune cookie?”
She responds with a one-fingered salute, and we both giggle.
“I don’t want to lose my independence.” My heart aches. Because no matter how I feel about Cam, that’s what it comes down to. I’ve worked so hard to be where I am, and I can’t risk backsliding.
“Does he make you feel like you would?”
“I guess not, but what I’ve been doing—sleeping in his bed while he’s gone, even though we’ve only started dating—is a little too reminiscent of the way I moved in with Tyler when I didn’t have a place to live.”
“You know you always have a place with me,” she says, dipping her head and catching my eye. “And who knows? Maybe I’ll nail that audition next week. Then I’ll be traveling for months, and you can keep my bed warm.” Narrowing her green eyes, she teases, “Just be sure to change my sheets after all thefucking incrediblesex you’re gonna have.”
I exhale a laugh, grateful for the bit of comedic relief.
Through a mouthful of scone, I admit, “It’s like I’m headed toward a tunnel. It’s pitch black, and I can’t see the other side.”
Her eyes light up and she straightens. “Remember when I visited a few years after your dad died, and you had that really amazing therapist?”
“Sora.” Out of habit, I glance at the kangaroo plush that sits on our kitchen windowsill. Sora gave it to me years ago, and I always keep it close.
“What was that thing she said about headlights? It was a metaphor.”
My chest tightens at the memory. It’s been so long since I’ve thought about that session. “She said that when we’re driving toward our destination in the dark, even with the headlights on, we can only see a few yards in front of us.”
Millie’s genuine smile encourages me to continue.
“Anything beyond the headlights is dark. We can’t see whether there’s a bridge ahead, and we can’t tell if the road will be closed. We don’t know yet. But despite the uncertainty, we keep driving.”
“That’s right,” she agrees. “We don’t know what’s at the end of the road, but we look out our window and embrace the journey. One step at a time, boo.”
