Dad braces his forearms on each side of his chair, clasping his hands on his stomach. "I understand. I hope you will never go through what I'm going through, because then you would understand why I made that decision. You wouldn't be able to understand where my head is at."
"I can try."
He shakes his head solemnly. "You won't understandunless you go through it. I'm sorry, August. That's just the way it is."
The frustration and anger that disappeared are starting to resurface again, but I push that down with the anxiety and sadness. "Try me," I say sternly.
Dad’s chest heaves, and he rubs at his face. “This surgery doesn’t mean it’s going to cure everything. They’d only remove the localized tumors, and I’d continue my therapy. It sounds exhausting.”
“But it can prolong this whole thing,” I say.
“That’s not a guarantee.”
“So, you’d rather wait and see what happens without it? Just go off therapy?”
“Apparently,” Ellie mumbles next to me.
“None of the tumors are severe enough. Yes, it will help, but I just find it unnecessary to go through all of that just to exhaust my body more.”
“I’m sorry.” Ellie speaks up. “I just don’t want to lose you. I can’t keep seeing you like this. This isn’t fair. Why did this have to happen to you?”
“If you keep thinking that way, you’ll drive yourself crazy.” Mom gets up from her chair and sits next to Ellie, wrapping her arms around her.
Ellie lays her head on Mom’s shoulder. “But can’t you just try the surgery? The doctor said it can still help, even if it’s the localized tumors.”
“Today has been an exhausting day. For all of us,” Mom says. “Let’s take a couple of days to sit and think about it, and we’ll go from there.”
All of us nod our heads.
“So.” Mom stands from the couch. “Who wants to play a board game?”
TWENTY-NINE
RILEY
After August and I say our goodbyes to his parents, we stand outside the house. The bright sky hangs above us, birds chirping as they fly by. The leaves on all the trees sway with the warm wind. August moves back and forth on his feet as he tips his head back with his eyes closed. He exhales a breath.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
His head tilts back down, and his ocean eyes are bright and beautiful versus the sadness they’d shown earlier at my apartment.
"I'm not sure." He stuffs his hands into his jean pockets and looks down at the red brick under our feet while we stand on the driveway.
I don't push him. I know how it feels for people to pry into your business and ask questions about your feelings and how you're handling things.
"I'm sorry for showing up unannounced at your place,” he says. “It wasn't right of me to do that on top of dragging you to come with me here."
I cross my arms tight, snuggling into myself. My short hair blows with the breeze that passes us.
"You didn’t drag me. I dragged you." I huff out a laugh.
"Maybe coming over to your place was a one-time thing, but would you mind if I go back with you?" He adjusts his glasses, and I can see the indent on his nose for a second before he puts them back on.
"You want to come back to my place?"
"I know. It's a weird fucking question, but this day has been weird and draining. I don't want to go to Ellie's place because I'm sure she's still wound up after she left. James, Rowan, and Beau are at work, and I don't want to be alone with my thoughts." He looks away, the sun shining down on him, and mutters a curse word under his breath.
I bite my lip while I think about this. My phone vibrates in the back pocket of my jeans. When I grab it, a text from Mom flashes on the screen. A shudder runs down my spine.
