My head feels like it’s spinning in a washing machine. What I thought was a secret, something between just me and August, was apparently obvious to the entire world. Does this mean I need to work on my poker face? This is exactly why I don’t play poker.
“It wasn’t my place to bring it up. I was waiting for you to say something.” She picks up a piece of cheese. “Didn’t think it’d take this long…”
My jaw clenches. “What exactly did you hear?”
That night—thenight that August told me he loved me—it was a lot. Our emotions had been heightened. I can still feel his hands cradling my face, his eyes turning glassy when I tell him that I don’t love him.
When I grabbed onto his wrists and pulled his hands away from my face, telling him it would never work. That I’m not right for him. My biggest fear was that he’d eventually see what I see in myself.
Broken. Unworthy of love.
I used up so much of my love and emotions toward Mom, waiting for her to give me the same, that I became tired. How was I supposed to give August more of that? I put so much energy into convincing myself that Mom would wake up one day and realize what she needs to fix.
Ibecame empty.
“You told my brother you didn’t feel the same way and for him to move on because it would never happen,” Ellie mumbles like she’s embarrassed.
Anxiety forms in my stomach. Pressure builds in my eyes, creating tears that I’ve kept in for so long.
“I’m sorry,” I force out.
Ellie stands from her chair and walks over to me, grabbing my hands. “Why would you be sorry?”
A small whimper escapes from me. “For breaking your brother's heart. And you had to witness it. I’m surprised you still wanted to be friends with me after that.”
“Stop,” Ellie whispers before wrapping her arms around me. “You did nothing wrong. I understand why you did what you did.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I force out words that I’ve never said aloud. “I love him.”
“I know.” She squeezes tighter.
“I’m scared.”
She pulls away, and Addie and Hailey watch, letting me speak without giving their two cents like they usually do.
“Why?” Ellie asks. “You know my brother adores you.”
“Yeah, and that’s the problem. What if I’m not cut out to be in a relationship?” I blink and look up, forcing my tears to stop. “What if my love for him isn’t enough?”
“You don’t know that. For all you know, you can be an amazing girlfriend. Stop questioning your worth,” Ellie says like it’s so simple.
I turn my attention to Hailey, and she’s already looking back at me. I don’t need to ask her what she’s thinking or wants to say.
“At least you finally admitted your feelings about him to yourself,” Addie says in a hopeful voice.
I can’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, it only took me twelve years.”
“Plus,” Ellie says. “It’d be kind of cool to have you as a sister-in-law.”
I stare at Ellie and gasp. “Wait. Were you purposefully leaving me and August alone at certain times? The plane ride back home?”
Ellie snickers “Come on.” She grabs my hand, and I follow. “We can all use another drink.”
TWENTY-SIX
AUGUST
Today is a very important day.
