“August, I’m going to go see dad,” Ellie says as we walk outside the airport. “Do you want to come with me?”
“Yeah, I’ll tag along. I need to talk to him about some stuff for work.” After I turn off airplane mode on my phone, ping after ping sounds off with emails from vendors flowing in. Normally, I feel perfectly fine going back into work after a small break, but this time around, I can feel my anxiety peaking.
My thoughts run in circles as I try to figure out what to do first. Answer emails, go to the shop, check up on things, and see how Dad is doing. I breathe in through my nose and close my eyes for five seconds. My chest feels heavy while my thoughts scramble in my head.
Making choices wasn’t always something I was good at. I start overthinking and wondering if I’m making the right decision. What the consequences may be depending on which road I take. When stress takes over, my ADHD comes in full force, wreaking havoc on my thoughts.
It’s hard to keep under control sometimes, but I’ve learned some tricks on how to slow my thoughts down.
“Our ride’s here,” Ellie says. “Riley, did you want to come with us? We can drop you off.”
“I’m gonna catch a ride with my sister and Addie, but I’ll talk to you later about the bakery.” She goes in for a hug, and my sister returns it. “Tell your parents I say hi.”
Ellie and Rowan get settled in the car, and I catch Riley looking at me.
“August,” Riley says, grabbing my arm. “I’m sorry. We can talk about what happened, okay?”
“Oh, now you want to talk about it?” I stuff my suitcase in the trunk.
“I know we need to.”
I close the trunk a bit too hard. “It’s fine, Riley. There’s nothing to talk about. It didn’t mean to happen, and we can move on from it. We have a lot that we’re dealing with right now. We don’t need to worry about this.”
Her shoulders drop, and she wraps her arms around her stomach. “I don’t want things to be weird between us.”
“Things have always been weird between us.”
“You know what I mean.”
The crisp air bites at my neck, and I suppress a shiver. “Riley, it’s fine. We both had too much to drink. It just happened.”
“August, let's go!” Ellie says.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” I tell Riley. “Get home safe.”
It hurts to leave our conversation like this, but maybe she’s right, and we should act like it never happened. We have other things to focus on. If I keep myself busy, it’ll be easier not to think about it.
Before I get in the car, I take a second to look at her before leaving. All I want to do is pull her into a hug and tell her it’s okay. But if I do that, I’ll only make it worse for both of us.
FIFTEEN
AUGUST
Papers are scattered across the desk while lo-fi music plays in the background. The small trash can next to the couch is filled with fast-food wrappers. There have been some nights that I didn’t go home, making the couch my temporary bed. Mom would randomly stop by with dishes of food, and I know that's her way of releasing stress for both of us.
"Knock, knock," Ellie says, peeking her head into the very messy office.
“Hey.” I don’t look up, continuing to rifle through papers on the desk while trying to organize the spreadsheet on my laptop.
"Jeeze. When's the last time you went home?" Milo and Biscuit force the door open as they run into the office.
If there are two things that will stop me from working, it’s those two. I drop to the floor, letting them pummel me. Milo licks my face while Biscuit licks my ear.
A small yelp escapes me as I pretend to let them win whatever it is they think they’re doing to me. Ellie peers into the trash can and raises her eyebrows at me.
"What? I need to eat." I stare back before getting up.Milo and Biscuit take that as a sign to run rampant in the store.
As if on cue, something falls, and I choose to ignore it.
