FORTY-ONE
RILEY
“August.” His rough stubble on my hands is comforting.
Our sadness twists together in a tangled mess, but if I had to be tangled up with someone, it would be with him and no one else. If I need to share my sadness with anyone, it would be with August.
We stare into each other's eyes. Soaking in one another and the emotions we carry for each other.
I hold his face like he held mine at eighteen years old, when he told me he loved me. These past months have been absolute torture. I gave myself to him in the most intimate way, and I've never wanted anything since.
My thumb rubs against his cheek. "That night at your house—I'm so sorry for turning my back on you. I let my fear get in the way again like it did before."
“Don’t apologize. I was a dick. I should be on the floor groveling, begging you to forgive me. I should never have put that pressure on you. I was selfish.”
“You weren’t selfish. You were protecting your heart from being broken again. Do you know how hard it was toleave you alone? Not knowing how you were doing and if you needed me the way I needed you.”
My eyes drift shut, and I slow my breathing down. The air fills my lungs again, and I don’t feel trapped or scared. I tell myself that I'm worthy of love. All the feelings I kept pushing down flow through me like endless waves in the ocean. When I open my eyes, August's lips are still pressed into my palm.
All I need is him. The boy who put his heart on the line for me, and the man who still does to this day.
"I love you, August." My voice comes out small, yet strong at the same time. This is what I want, what I’ve needed to do. “If I need to prove my love to you, then I will. If I need to earn back your trust, I understand. Taking that step with my mom has opened something that I didn’t know was there before. It opened a new path for me. I’d like it if you'd take that path with me. But I understand if you need to take a step back.
“It’s not fair for what I’ve done to you. All this stupid back and forth because I couldn’t get a hold of my emotions. I’m sorry for being scared. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you the night you told me. I should be the one to grovel on the floor, begging for forgiveness. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t see myself without you. You’re my breath of fresh air. I love you.”
Those three words that scared me all these years slip out. Three words that I've never heard my mom say to my dad. But when I say it, it's like a wave crashed into me. Emotions thrum through me: happiness, sadness, relief, and worry.
He scans my face like he doesn't believe me. I don't blame him. Deep down, I know he's never stopped loving me. He let me go only for me to come back to him.
“I've always loved you.” I chew on my lip. “I was too much of a coward to confront those feelings. It seemed easier to be alone than risk screwing something up. I watched my mom tear down my dad, and I didn't want that to happen with us. Then I realized that that's exactly what I did to you. And I hated myself for that.”
“Riley, you didn’t tear me down.” He looks at me with confusion and speaks softly, carefully, like he’s trying not to scare away a baby bird that needs help. “You did the very opposite of that. You pushed me to be the best person I can be. Toward my job, with my dad. Why would you think we’d end up like them?"
"Because us... it was just too good to be true. The connection we had." I shake my head. "I never thought in a million years that I’d have something like that with someone. I didn’t think it was possible for me.”
"Hey, look at me. The connection we had—have—is electrifying. I'm so goddamn lucky to have someone like you in my life. Not only as a friend, but someone I've come to love." His thumbs rub at my wrists. "You, Riley Lewis, are a force to be reckoned with. And I'm willing to take that chance and call you mine for as long as you let me.Finally,you’re done pretending like I’m not the love of your life.” He teases, giving me an eye roll.
I press my lips against his, deep and passionate. My leg pops up like I'm in some romcom where the girl finally gets the guy. He's mine, and I'm his. It feels so right. So exciting.
I was homesick for someone I've never had. Is this what being in love feels like? Like being on some kind of love drug, where you taste colors and see sounds. The high is so good that you're fighting the comedown.
August guides me toward the counter in the bathroom and, in one smooth motion, he lifts me up and sets me downon the cold surface. His hands roam over my body. I let out a whimper at his touch. His fingers brushing down my thigh makes a shiver run through me as his hand pushes between my legs.
"No underwear," he whispers into my neck. "Were you planning on having your way with me, Riley?"
I shudder a breath when he slides his fingers down my clit, then slips two inside me.
"You're so fucking wet."
His fingers pump in and out of me in a rhythm my breath can't quite seem to match. I gasp when his fingers slide deeper, moving in acome heregesture, faster and faster. I cover my mouth, muffling the moan that wants to escape from me.
He kisses my neck and continues to fuck my pussy with his fingers.
"August."
"Yeah, baby?" he says so confidently.
"I need more of you." I rub my hand against his hard length and unbutton his jeans, tugging them down his thighs.
