She rolls her eyes and asks for my keys. I was hesitant to give them to her because she’s never driven my car before, and it’s bigger than hers. So far, she’s proving me wrong. We’ve been driving for an hour, and we have not gotten into an accident.
“How am I more nervous than you? It’s not even my dad,” she says while the wind whips her hair around.
“Because you care about me and my feelings.” I turn my head on the headrest and give her a smile.
“Well, duh. I swear, Rowan, if that man hurts you any more than he already has.” She shakes her head. “I will fight him.” She looks at me quickly and then back to the road.
“El, I can handle it. I appreciate it, but it’s fine.”
I watch her chew her lip and push her hair out of her face. I can tell she’s anxious, and I don’t know what else to do to calm her down, so I reach across the console and gently grab her hair. I see the hair tie on her wrist and gesture to it with my hand.
She looks at me, confused.
“Let me get your hair tie,” I say through the wind.
She takes her hand off the wheel, replacing it with the other, and I slide it off her wrist. I, horribly, try to put her hair in a ponytail, trying not to hurt her. I wrap her hair and lean back to look at my work. Not too bad.
Ellie smiles while looking out at the road. “Thank you.”
I nod and place my hand on the nape of her neck, massaging it for her.
“I should be the one giving you a neck massage. I’m not the one going to talk to my estranged dad.”
“You can give me one tonight.”
She looks at me, and I wink at her, making her roll her eyes with a laugh. My heart still races every time I look at her. I suddenly feel her body stiffen. I look at her and see she’s thinking about something.
We pass hills, small towns, vineyards. I’ve never seen this part of the coast. Never had a reason to drive this way, not until now. I’m eager, anxious, and curious. I don’t know what to expect. I know I already look like him. But will he notice?
Will he be nice? Will he want to talk to me? Is this a smart idea? My mom didn’t stop me, and I think she would have if she hadn’t seen anything good coming out of this. She knows him more than I ever had.
I feel bad for not telling Addie, but she would have stopped me and guilted me into not going. I know it would be out of protecting me, but I need to do this. I know I will regret it if I don’t. I’m also scared I’ll regret the fact that I did.
“I called Charlie,” she says, breaking the silence, but she doesn't look at me.
“You did?”
I see her throat bob and nod frivolously. “Yeah.”
I take my hand off her neck and put it in my lap. I see her look at me, and I continue to look ahead of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shoulders rise and fall, and her grip on the steering wheel tightens.
“I told him that I don’t think we should work things out. That I wouldn’t be able to trust him again.” She lets out a shaky breath before continuing, “Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? If he can’t handle my lifestyle now, what’s it going to be like if I take the new position? I don’t know. I did the right thing, right?” She looks at me quickly and turns her face forward again.
I nod and say, “Absolutely. You did what was best for you, and I’m proud of you. I know it was hard for you to do. It’s not easy walking away from someone you love.” I look at her and watch as she places her hand on mine.
I pick up her hand and kiss her. Reassuring her she did the right thing.
But now what?
forty-seven
ROWAN
I clenchand unclench my hands while I stare at theenormoustwo-story house that displays itself in front of Ellie and me. Both of our mouths gape with our heads tilted back.
“Holy shit,” Ellie whispers out.
I say nothing.
