Fuck it.
“El,” I mutter softly, barely hearing myself.
Her eyes find mine, but she doesn’t say anything. I can feel my heart beating through my chest like a drum. My breathing feels shallow. I feel the softness of her hand grab mine and start to trail up my arm.
Oh, there goes her hand, right over my stomach. Her hands are just the tiniest bit cold, causing my abs to clench.
“Rowan,” she breathes out, and her eyes search mine.
I force a swallow down before answering, “Yeah.”
“Kiss me.”
thirty-eight
ELLIE
I couldn’t handleit anymore. With one touch on his bare skin and rippling muscles, I knew that I needed him. I need his hands, his lips, his entire body on me.
“Kiss me.” I look into his eyes, and his lips part.
His beautiful, full lips that I can’t stop thinking about. I had to ask before my heart gave out. If I was going to die right now, I’d make sure I’d get that kiss from him.
His hand is gentle when he caresses my jaw, and I close my eyes. I want to savor his touch. With my eyes still closed, I can feel his thumb brush over my bottom lip, and he pulls down on it. I almost melt onto the floor. How can a touch as simple as that make my knees feel like jelly? It takes everything in me not to put his thumb in my mouth and suck on it.
“If I kiss you,” he whispers, “I won't be able to stop kissing you until I take my very last breath.”
The deepness of his voice, the husk, and—is that desperation I hear? I need him to kiss me now. I nod my head because I can’t get any words out.
He pulls me in, and I wrap my arms around his neck. Standing as tall as I can, meeting him halfway, and the moment our lips touch—my knees buckle, and I see stars. I open my mouth for him and let his tongue dance along mine.
With every movement of his tongue, he follows my lead. He will do what I want now that he has me again. Every gentle bite he gives me on my bottom lip, every caress he makes with his tongue, I press my body into his. Needing more, more,moreof him.
His strong hands go down my body and to the backs of my thighs. In one swift movement, he has me in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist. I let myself get lost in him.
I feel my back press against the wall. Every movement he makes, it’s like he’s taking away every wound I’ve carried my entire life. He moves his lips from mine and brushes them across the crook of my neck.
I let out a faint whimper when I feel the scruff on his jaw graze my skin. The tiny, small bites with every kiss. Then his lips meet my ear, and I feel his lips hover. “Ellie, I don’t think you realize how long I’ve wanted this again, wantedyou,”he says desperately.
He kisses behind my ear and gives it a flick of his tongue before pulling back and looking at me. Our eyes meet again, and with one look, I can see he wants to devour me. And I’m going to let him.
“Why didn’t you ever come get me?” I ask with each heavy breath I take.
He continues to hold me against the wall and keeps one hand under me while letting the other one gently hold my cheek. He gives me one small kiss on my nose.
“Because you deserved more than I could have ever offered you, El. You deserved someone who could always make the stars shine for you when you needed them most.”
I stare into his sweet, sad eyes.
“I ran away from a place that couldn’t give me stars,” I whisper. “And then I remembered where I can always find them, and that was home.You’re my home.”
I search his eyes, wondering what he’s thinking, what he wants to say. He could give me everything and more. I need him to realize that. Tell me to stay. Tell me I can be his again.
“And you’re the light that I need to shine away the darkness I’ve lived in for so long,” he whispers back.
I feel the pressure building up in my chest, my eyes starting to prickle. I place my hand on his cheek. “Let me be your light.”
His lips find mine again, and I feel us moving away from the wall and to my bed, where he lays me down. His lips find my jaw, my neck, and my chest. I arch into him, needing him more.
