“You! You and your stupid self-sabotaging personality. Rowan, Dad left usyearsago, and you still let him control your life. When are you going to wake up and realize that the man never gave a shit about us? You think I’m going to let him decide my life choices? That I’m going to let that man make me feel like I’m not worthy of love?”
“Addie, you’ve been in, like, two relationships.”
“Two more than you’ve ever had.”
My mouth gapes open, and my brows knit together. “I’ve been in plenty of relationships.”
Addie narrows her eyes and cocks her head. “You’ve dated. You’ve never been in an actual relationship. You would find someone you like to be with them for what? Two weeks and then tell them ‘It’s not working.’” She mimics my voice. “I don’t think that counts.”
“I’m picky,” I mutter.
“You’repickybecause you compare every woman to the one you really want. You’repickybecause you find any sort of problem with a girl to give you a reason to break things off. You look for signs of them leaving because you didn’t see the signs with Dad. Now, you’re not taking the chance, and you’re getting in your own way of happiness. I know you want to be with Ellie again. I want that for you, Ro. You’re an incredible person, and we were raised by two badass women who taught us our value and worth. I understand that you looked up to Dad, and I never did, but he doesn’t deserve you pouring your energy into him. Questioning your worth. I know you, and I know every day you fight with yourself in your head. You’re a chicken shit.”
I was obsessed with my dad. When he would come home, I never wanted him to leave. I followed him around everywhere. I wanted to do everything he was doing. Then one day, everything changed. He left. And my mom, she was depressed, and Aunt Rosey made us move in with her.
“I don’t do that,” I argue.
“You think you don’t, but you do, even if it’s subconscious. You carry that trauma around like a badge of honor.”
“Stop.” My voice is becoming stern. A tone I’ve never used with Addie.
“You’re letting that man ruin your life.”
“Stop it,” I repeat, my voice growing louder. I start to feel my emotions rise higher and higher as she continues, and I don’t know how to handle this side of my sister.
“Mom didn’t even let that man ruin her life,” Addie says. “And she wasmarriedto him.”
“That’s enough!” I shout, rising from my chair.
I pull myself back and look at my sister. She didn’t flinch, didn’t move a muscle. She keeps her eyes laser-focus on me with determination. She may be smaller than me, but she’s mighty.
I let out a deep breath and run both my hands through my hair, leaving them on my neck as I pulled down on it. I close my eyes and tilt my head up.
“What do you want me to do, Addie? I can’t tell her to stay,” I say in defeat.
“Yes, actually you can.” Her voice is calmer, sweeter. “You’re a lot stronger than you think you are emotionally and mentally, Ro. You have so many people in your life who love you, and you’ve never once tried to push them away. So, what makes Ellie so different?”
I let go of my neck and fall back into my chair. “She left once, Addie. What makes you think she won’t leave again? How would I know that I’m worth it for her to stay?”
Addie walks around my desk and sits on the edge of it. She folds her arms and looks at me with sadness in her eyes. “That was different, and you know it. She didn’t leave you because she was done with you. She left because she had an amazing opportunity that she knew would change her life. You guys decided it was for the best to split up. But I think it was the worst thing you two have ever done.”
I rub my eyes with my fingers and then drop my hands to my lap. “So, what do I do?”
“You really want to know what I think?” Addie asks me in an ominous tone.
“What else do I have to lose when I’ve already lost my dignity.”
Addie rolls her eyes, but then a devilish grin appears on her face. I drop my facial expression because Addie only makes that face when she has some sort of diabolical plan. She may as well steeple her fingers and tap them against each other. Really adds to the evilness.
“Take out your phone,” she orders. “Right now.”
“Shit. Do I even want to know anymore?”
twenty-four
ELLIE
I’m lyingon the couch with a bag of chips on my stomach while Riley rests on the floor, feeding herself Sour Patch Kids.
