Of course I wasn’t going to tell her what I really thought. If I did, I would look pathetic. I would have gotten down on my knees andbeggedher to stay. Come back home, where she could open her own business that I know she would succeed in, and have her friends around who will always have her back.
Be with me.
But could I do that? No. The last thing I need is to drive her away and freak her out with my feelings. Especially since she just left a five-year relationship. Who knows where her head is at right now? Not on me.
I’ll admit that there have been some questionable moments from the days we’ve spent together. I’ve noticed when she’s touching me intimately, how she danced with me, and when she held my hand the night she slept in my bed. I rub my temples on both sides when I hear a knock at my office door.
“Yeah,” I shout, still rubbing my temples as I hang my head with my eyes closed.
“Can I come in?”
Without looking up, I hear Addie’s voice and can tell that she’s worried about me. If I open my eyes to look at her, it will just confirm what I already know. I take a deep breath and pull my gaze up to her. I gesture to the couch against the wall in front of my desk. I don’t say anything due to being mentally exhausted.
I’m draining myself over something thatI’mcausing, but also too stubborn to fix it. Because I let fear take me over. I let the anxious voice in my head tell me that it’s better to be alone. If you’re alone, you won’t be disappointed or hurt all over again.
“We need to talk.” Addie sits down on the couch, but her expression has gone from soft to stoic. I’ve never seen this expression on her face before.
I lean back in my chair and swivel it back and forth, needing some movement since I can’t sit still. I wave my hand out to her, telling her to say what she needs to say.
She folds her arms and crosses one leg over the other. “You gotta get a grip.”
I stop moving.
“Excuse me?” I stammer.
“Do you need me to say it again?”
“You sound like mom. It’s freaking me out.”
“Good! I want you to be freaked out, dumbass.”
She unfolds her arms, uncrosses her leg, and places her elbows on her knees. All right. She’s serious. “What are you doing?” She throws her hands out in a question.
“I’m sitting at my desk.”
“No shit, dummy, but I’m not talking physically. I’m talking up here.” She taps her finger on the side of her head.
I rest my elbow on the chair's armrest and hold my head up with my hand.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I absolutely know what she’s talking about, but I’m not giving her the satisfaction.
“Don’t play dumb with me, Ro. You’re screwing things up with Ellie,again.”
“What are you talking about?”
She puts her finger on her chin and tilts her chin up. “Hmm, maybe like when she asked for your opinion on my idea, and you just told her to do whatever she thought was right?What thehell are you doing?” she exclaims.
I hold my hands out to the side. “What else should I have told her?”
“I don’t know, Rowan. Maybe the truth? She knows everyone will tell her to stay and screw the life she built in the city, and that’s all fine and dandy. But our opinions don’t matter most to her.Yours does,”Addie adds some emphasis to that last part.
“My opinion matters too much to her, which is why I told her to do what she thinks is right. I’m not going to tell her what to do because it’s what I want. That’s selfish.”
“She wants you to, you idiot!” Addie jumps up from the couch and shouts, splaying her hands out at me.
I jerk my head back and lift my hands. “Whoa, you need to chill out. What the hell has gotten into you?”
