She hesitantly takes my hand, trying to hide her smile. “Okay.”
fifty-nine
ELLIE
We walk outsideinto the backyard, where a ladder leans against the side of the house. I look at it and then back to Rowan.
“What are we doing?” I ask skeptically.
He points upward and says, “We’re going to go on the roof and star gaze.”
I let out a laugh. “What? Ro, we haven’t done that in years. I don’t know if it’s actually safe to do that.”
He starts to walk while holding my hand. “We did it all the time.”
“Yeah, when we were dumb kids who didn’t know any better. We’re adults now, and we definitely know better.”
We stop at the ladder, and he turns to me. “I promise we will be fine. I will not let you fall, and if you do, I will soften the fall for you. I will throw myself under you.”
“Have I ever told you how dramatic you are?”
“I’m only ever dramatic when it comes to you, my love.” He kisses the top of my head and then gestures to it. “After you.”
I stare at him and then back to the ladder.
“Go on.” I gesture with my hand.
I walk past him and carefully start to climb it step by step, taking my sweet ass time because I amnotgoing to die today. I know I called Rowan dramatic, but I have every right to be. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten afraid of heights. If I look down now, it’s over.
I can feel myself gripping onto the sides of the cool metal, still moving carefully, one step at a time.
“You’re almost there. I’m holding it, so don’t worry,” I hear Rowan call up to me.
He’s holding it. Okay, that’s fine. My head gets to the top, and I can see the roof and the dark gray shingles. How did I do this as a teenager? I lean on the roof; thankfully, it’s a flat area, and I baby crawl on it.
I slowly turn around, and when I do, I see Rowan already at the top.
“I was afraid we’d end up seeing the sunrise by the time you got up here,” he tells me jokingly with a chuckle.
“Hey, I’m not as risky as I was when we were younger. I developed my frontal lobe long ago,” I say, turning slowly and sitting down.
He sits next to me, and the sun fully sets, bringing out the deep blue sky above us with specks of sparkles. It’s incredible up here. If you close your eyes, you can hear grasshoppers chirping and the waves crashing.
The town has plenty of lights to guide us, but we still have the pleasure of getting a night sky full of stars. I feel my body relax, and I take the opportunity to lie down on my back so I can get the full view.
Rowan follows my lead and grabs my hand. We lay there in complete silence. Comfortable silence makes me feel grateful. I feel his thumb brush the top of my hand, and I count out all the stars I can see.
“I never told you this,” I say, “but I used to go on the roof at my apartment and try to spot any stars I could. There would be moments when I thought I saw some, but they were just planes passing by. When I didn’t see any stars, I’d just look at the moon, wondering if you were looking at it too. And if we were looking at it together.”
I see his head turning toward me, but I keep my eyes on the sky.
“Every year on your birthday, I would come up on my roof,” he says, and his voice is deep and quiet.
I turn my head to look at him, and it’s like the stars never left because I see them in his beautiful dark blue eyes and the way they sparkle.
“Why?” I ask.
“After we would get off the phone, when I would call you to tell you a happy birthday, I’d wish I had more of you. The only way I could think of having that is by coming up here at night and looking at the stars.”
