She cups my face in her hands, looking at me with so much admiration and love, something I never thought I’d get from her again.
“I know you said that I was a big part of the reason you decided to see your dad and start to heal yourself. But you’ve done just as much for me to really decide what the hell I wanted to do. Seeing the courage, it took foryouto see a man you never thought you’d ever see again and look how well that out for you. I want that for myself. I want to feel whole again, and I know it will only happen if I’m here with you. So please.” She kisses me. “Let me make this decision and stay. Let me start a new chapter in my life with you.”
“Are you sure?” I can’t help but ask.
“The stars brought me back home to you. And I am so deeply and madly in love with you. So yes, I’m sure.”
fifty-seven
ELLIE
“I feel so nauseated right now,”I tell Rowan while I pace back and forth in his living room.
The next day, I decide that I needed to call my boss. The big guy. The head honcho. And tell her that I’m resigning. I’ve never felt so sick in my life. I feel terrible for letting her down, for having to say no, something I really don’t like doing. But at the same time, I think she will want me to be happy. Truly happy.
“I can pretend to be you. I’ll do it.” Rowan shrugs.
I stop to look at Rowan, and he clears his throat.
“Hi, Mrs. Chef, it’s Ellie,” he tries to sound like me but is doing a terrible job.
“Okay, stop that immediately. You are not doing that, and I do not sound like a mouse from Cinderella.”
He crosses his arms and grins at me. “Maybe Milo can do it for you then?”
I look at Milo, who’s lying on his back and snoring. If I could trade places with him, I would. I take a deep inhale, filling up my lungs until I can’t anymore, and exhale it out. I press the call button on my phone, holding it up to my ear and covering my eyes.
“Why are you covering your eyes? She’s not here,” Rowan says.
I swat my hand at him, silently telling him to please shut up, and then I hear the phone stop ringing.
“Hello,” Chef Roberts says through the phone.
“Hi, C-Chef Roberts? It’s Chef Thompson. I mean, Ellie, it’s Ellie.” I place my hand on my forehead and tilt my head back. Get your shit together, Ellie, stop stuttering.
“Ellie, I’m so happy to hear from you again. How are you? I am counting down the days until you come back to the kitchen. I miss seeing your work,” she says excitedly.
“Yes, about that,” I say nervously and look at Rowan.
He gives me a thumbs-up and the sweetest smile ever. I smile back, and he mouthsyou’ve got this.I nod my head.
“I’m sorry to say this over the phone, but I will not be returning to the kitchen. I’m resigning.” I stop pacing and hold my breath.
I hear absolutely nothing on the other end. No static. No breathing. Nothing. I pull the phone away to make sure she’s still on the line. Rowan lifts his hand in question, and I shrug in return. I put the phone back to my ear.
“Chef?” I ask.
“I had a feeling this would happen.” Her voice comes out eerily calm.
I swallow what feels like a rock in my throat and try to keep my voice steady. “I’m sorry?”
“I’ve worked with you for nine years, Ellie. I’ve noticed the change in your demeanor, the creativity, and the drive you once had. You did not have that fire in your eye like you once did. The passion isn’t there like it used to be, and it breaks my heart for you. I know how hard this industry can be, and I was hoping that it would not break you.”
I stand there, no words coming out of my mouth, no sound. I don’t move. I’m not sure what to say to that. Do I let her keep talking?
“Is this true, Ellie? Do you believe that you have lost your passion in this work?” she asks.
I open my mouth, trying to find the words that want to come out. Yes and no. Yes, I’ve lost it for what I was doing. No, I haven’t lost it for what Iwantto do.
