Anxo has promised, time and time again, that the Tetrad kingdom has my back. And now that I’ve found Dean, I know he’ll stand beside me, too.
But that doesn’t make up for the fact that I am not enough on my own. Not powerful enough to fight the man who ruined my life. Not prepared enough for the consequences of going after a King. Not strong enough to watch the people I love get hurt because I was once sold to a tyrant, like I meant nothing.
The full moon peaks through the curtains, taunting me, luring me toward a world of hurt, and I can’t resist it. Never could. It’s the only time I can feel my magic running through my veins. It makes me feel alive… the way someone might right before their last breath.
I quietly slip out of bed, stepping out of the room without waking Dean. If he wakes up, he’ll stop me. And I don’t think I have the strength to refuse him.
Before I close the door, I glance back at my mate sleeping on a mattress beside my bed. I thought he’d get annoyed eventually, but so far, he’s been more than willing to sleep on a mattress on the floor.
Every night, we talk for hours. More like he talks, and I listen and laugh until we slowly drift off.
He’s trying. In more ways than I ever expected.
That’s when it feels wrong as I close the door behind me. But I have to do this. I have to at least try to become whole.
As I walk toward the back of Death Castle, where a waterfall crashes down, phantom pain spreads through my legs. The burn steals my breath, every inch of me feeling like it’s on fire, but I can’t give up now.
A full moon is very important for my kind. It’s when we feel closest to our maker, most in tune with our Divine… and it’s the only time I try to shift, hoping the moon’s power and blessing will finally trigger it. Hoping this time, my body remembers what it was meant to be.
But so far, I’ve endured nearly forty-three full moons, and all I’ve ever walked away with is pain.
My jaw hurts from how hard I’m clenching my teeth as I stand before the glowing waterfall that spills into still, glassy water with tiny blue fireflies drifting through the air. Everything feels calm here, almost surreal, but I still wish I were back inmy bed, buried under my warm covers, and the scent of mate clinging to every corner of my room.
My eyes burn as I strip out of my clothes one piece at a time, tears sliding down my chin.
I step into the water slowly, gasping at the cold. I might be the only siren in existence who’s sensitive to cold water. Just another reminder of what’s broken inside me.
A sob catches in my throat as I inhale deeply, praying to the Fates and Lucifer for strength. But the moment I start chanting, it’s painfully clear I’m here alone. Just like every other time.
Please, Fates… please show mercy.
I should be able to shift between tail and legs with ease, especially under a full moon. But something inside me blocks the change.
Like any shifter, the first few transformations are supposed to hurt, but eventually, it becomes a part of you until you don’t even have to think about it. It should be as natural as breathing.
In Eldoris, children are taught chants that unlock our Divines and ease the transition into our siren side without tearing flesh. But they never worked for me. I stopped trying when I was ten after passing out from the pain again and again.
The memories of those failed attempts kept me trying again after I left Eldoris. The first time I dared was months after arriving in the Tetrad kingdom. I thought starting over from scratch and being away from Tiberius would somehow fix whatever was broken. I was wrong. So wrong.
It’s like my body forgot that part of me exists. Forcing myself into the shape of someone I used to be… someone who hated her life... doesn’t help the shift.
Just like the first time, every bone in my body twists and breaks until the pain steals the air from my lungs. I keep hoping for the pain to ease, but it only gets worse.
The skin on my legs splits as it tries to stretch into a tail, but it’s been too long, and the emotional block won’t let me relax. The water around me quickly turns red, but I don’t stop.
I have to get back what Tiberius stole from me. It’s the only way I can beat him. It’s the only way I can be more than what he made me.
I always thought losing wouldn’t matter. Death would be better than going back to being his slave. But things have changed.
Now… I think I want to live. I want to fight him, but not at the cost of losing the life I’ve started building here.
But that can’t happen with Tiberius breathing down my neck.
Every bone in my body feels like it’s being crushed, but I keep going. I refuse to be useless when Tiberius comes for me. I want to hurt him for once. I want him to feel even a fraction of what I did.
I try to sing, but nothing comes out. My throat feels like someone shoved glass inside my mouth and forced me to swallow. When I push harder, desperate to get through the pain and reach my Divine, my mouth fills with blood.
I look up at the moon and start humming.It’s all I can do. All I have left. The only thing that monster couldn’t taint. The only piece of me that still feels like mine.
