I can see Anxo’s lips moving, but the ringing in my head is louder than his voice, making it difficult to focus on anything but the constant throbbing. My breathing is tattered, and I’m heaving, trying to fill my lungs, but it’s not working.
When I don’t respond, Angel grips his hair desperately, trying not to reach out for me again.
“Nevaeh!” The way he growls my name successfully snaps me out of my head long enough to catch his eyes.
Scratching my throat, I look up at Anxo, and the tears I’ve been trying to hold hostage finally escape, filling the room with my broken wails. Curling into a ball, I press a hand over my ear and push my face against the mattress to block out the noise. Nausea crawls up to my throat as I squeeze my lips to stop the bile.
Angel paces the length of our bed, waiting for me to let him approach, but I’m in no position to ask, so I do the one thing I can. Anxo never fails to read me. He can always figure out what I want by looking at me, and I’m hoping his witchcraft will benefit me today. Looking up, my eyes search his, and within the next second, he is next to me.
Swiftly picking up my curled frame, he cradles me on his lap. I whimper when every part of my body feels like a truck ran over me. Angel guides the back of my head to bury in his neck, and that’s when I break.
Circling my hands around his waist, I grip his t-shirt and let the broken sobs escape me, followed by wails loud enough to soak our walls with my pain. Crying on his shoulder, my body trembles, but I clutch onto him with my life.
The scariest part is I’m aware that there is nothing to fear anymore. No matter who’s chasing me, I have people to watchmy back now. But who’s going to tell the 9-year-old in me that I don’t have to hide in a corner anymore? All that little girl knows is to hide and make no sound, however hard the hits are, hoping they’ll stop. I’ve grown up muffling my screams until one day, the only place my wails felt safe was inside my head.
With my mate’s arms around me and the buzz of his Divine creating a bubble around me, I know I can be as loud as I want without fearing the next hit will be harder.
Angel covers me with his thick duvet, thinking my shivers are due to the cold, and slips a hand under my shirt to rub my bare back in soothing circles. I soak in the feeling of his kisses on my head, his comforting words in my ear, and his fingers in my hair, replacing my memories with this moment.
I can barely regulate my breathing, but I don’t stop begging him not to leave me between my broken cries. Angel keeps kissing me, reminding me he is right here and to breathe before I pass out.
The way he inaudibly clears his throat and his voice wobbles tells me I’m scaring him. Embracing me so tight, like he wants me permanently stuck to him, Anxo sways us and keeps talking to me, hoping something will bring me out of my head.
“Nevaeh, I need to know what’s wrong, baby.” “Please don’t leave,” I croak out a desperate plea.
“Shhh, I’m never leaving, sweetheart. Come on, focus on my heartbeat, and take a deep breath for me, yeah?” I mimic him taking deep breaths when his chest moves with my head resting over his heart.
“You’re doing so good, sweetheart.” I know my effort is not perfect, but his encouraging whispers and how he holds my face against his heart help drain the panic from me slowly.
Nuzzling my face in his neck when I can breathe better, I tense when Angel tries to pry me off of him and he shushes me by gently swaying us side to side. Taking my hands in his, heguides them around the band of his sweatpants before leaning away from me. It’s less than five seconds, but that’s enough for my tears to return and panic to grip my throat.
In one swift movement, Anxo pulls off his forest green hoodie and pulls it down my head before letting me erase the wretched gap between us. Wiping the fresh tears with his palm that covers half my face, he lets me rub my face against his bare chest like a cat.
I calm down considerably fast with his scent and skin on my cheek. We stay like that for what seems like hours before my eyes feel too heavy to remain open.
“You’ll be here when I wake up?” I’m not ready to let him go, and I don’t want to fall asleep only to wake up disoriented and without him by my side.
“I’ll always be here.”
Anxo slides down the bed with me still on top of him and his arms around my waist to keep me in place. His fingers playing with my hair lull me closer to sleep, and I completely relax on top of him, not caring about him bearing all my weight.
He smells irresistible, and I have this insistent urge to bite his neck, but I settle for a kiss instead, which makes him hold me tighter and squish me to him. I want to be squished like this forever.
“Sleep, sweetheart.” His chin rests on my head, and a hand softly rubs my back under his hoodie.I love it when he does that.
In my sleepy haze, I let my deepest fear slip. “Will you hide me if they come back?”
“I’ll burn them to the ground for you.” The conviction in his voice acts as my anxiety breaker. I know as long as I have him by my side, I’ll be okay. I have him.
“My Angel.”
I kiss his neck before letting myself get dragged deeper into the darkness without fearing what’s hiding behind it. Before Icompletely shut down, I hear him softly murmur to himself and kiss the tip of my nose.
CHAPTER 19
Adding names to my shit list
Nevaeh
