With silent tears running down my face and my heart beating in my head, I lean against my door. When I’m sure I’m alone andnot ruining anyone’s night, I let myself break down. I don’t stop the tears but muffle my sobs behind my hands.
I know what bottling up my panic will do to me later, and if trembling with sobs for a few hours will save me from completely losing it later, then I need to be okay with it.
I can stillfeelhis touch on me, his sticky breath fanning my neck as he carves my thigh. That memory is so fresh in my head that I can practically see it happening before me. The way his face twists in shame when I refuse his command in front of the queen, the promise his eyes hold for when we were alone.
I don’t know how long it takes until my body stops shaking, and there is only a faint ringing in my head instead of the hammering like before. When my broken wails settle down to a simple tightening of my chest, I use my doorframe to rise from the floor.
The dark, quiet night helps me melt into the background without anyone having a front-row seat to my epic breakdown.
In the empty living room, I sit on the couch numbly for half an hour and try to hold down my reality. Leaning back, I pick up the remote stuffed between two cushions and scroll through the rows of movies—no intention of watching anything.
Soft footsteps make their way to me, and I turn to find Angel slug into the room, rubbing his eye with a fist. He looks adorable as hell if ignore how he only has sweatpants on and his upper body is bare. I’d seen the markings on his arms before, but I didn’t expect most of his chest and abdomen to be covered in unique patterns and writings.
Before I can figure out what he wants, Angel climbs on the couch to lie down with his head nuzzling in my stomach and arms around my waist.
At first, I’m startled, but I don’t dare move an inch. He nuzzles my stomach sleepily, and I tell my hesitation to fuck off.Burying my fingers in his soft curls, I comb through the mane.I think I’m forever going to be jealous of how soft his hair is.
“Why aren’t you in bed, sweetheart?” His voice is muffled with his head pressed against me. I’ve been sitting out here for at least an hour and not even a minute with my mate, and my shoulders lose their tension, and I start feeling my limbs again.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I curse myself internally when my voice cracks. “Nightmare?” His arms squeeze me tighter, like he’s trying to
glue us together.
More like memories, but I don’t want to burden him with that. I don’t think I can repeat what I experienced just now.
Turning his head in my lap to face the TV, he asks, “What are we watching?”He’s staying?
“I don’t know. I couldn’t figure it out. Is Frozen good?” I hand him the remote when he waves for it.
“It’s the best, baby.” Angel lies on his side with his back pressed against the sofa. “Come here.” He opens his arm for me to slide in and waits, but I don’t want him to stay up because of me.
“You should sleep, Anxo.” I move in, unable to resist the offer. Pressing my back against his warm, naked chest, he pulls me closer so I’m using his arm as my pillow.
“So should you.”
The memories are still playing tricks on me, and now that I’ve had some time to settle down, I want to clarify one thing. I can’t keep it to myself anymore, not when I know how vulnerable I can be sometimes.
I need to trust someone to protect my kid when I can’t.
“August. I can’t—Iwon’tleave him.”
I’m not sure if Angel wants such a huge responsibility when he’s so young himself, but August isminenow.
That kid chose me on his first night in that dungeon, and that same night I swore to choose him over anything and anyone.
Even thinking about a life without Anxo leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but my love and loyalty for that little boy trumps my possible broken love life.
“The day I saw you holding him in those woods, I knew it was a package deal. Anyone with eyes can see how attached you both are, and it’s not just you, sweetheart. I adore that kid to no end. He needs stability—a family, now more than ever, and we can give that to him. Iwantto give that to him.”
“You do? You want him with us?”
“Of course I do. You are my world, sweetheart. Anything you want, I’ll make it happen.”
“I’m so glad you found us.” His hold tightens when my voice cracks.
I shuffle back until there’s no space between us. Taking the soft blanket hanging on the back of the sofa, Angel drapes it over us. His arms hold me hostage and his face stays buried in my neck, where he leaves reminders of his presence with sweet kisses.
In the safety of his arms and the gentle hum of our proximity, I fall asleep with my Angel wrapped around me with a smile on my face.
