“I wouldn’t say no to some more fish, if there’s any that isn’t citrus-doused,” Hira admitted. Humans weresouseful for catching fish. Somehow they seemed not to mind being flapped at and splashed on. To judge by Ashar’s bath-house, most humans even sought out dunkings and soakings of their own free will.
But surely these good priests were not so depraved that dunkings and soakings would be enough to lure them away from the market to the bath-house… were they?
She was a catfolk who enjoyed accounting, so she wasn’t about to call anyone’s tastes unnatural. But other humans sometimes got loud about Ashar’s depravity.
Being catfolk, she didn’t entirely understand what most humans found so alluring-but-contemptible about depravity. To judge by Ashar’s sales offerings and the corresponding accusations, “depravity” meant “skin rubbing on skin with slipperiness involved.”
Hira herself was blessed with a wonderful plush pelt with no mangy skin patches bared to lick or gnaw or rub. So she had no need of such depravity herself. But in her experience, catering to the soggy, soapful, and skin-slippery forms of human depravity could be very profitable indeed.
As the priests fussed over how to prepare some fish for her without either taking food away from kittens or presenting her with citrus-brined fish-pickles, Hira considered the flock of them, ears flicking at the chatter of the marketplace.
On the one paw, these priests were human and covered in road dust, so they were likely more susceptible to the depravity of Ashar’s baths.
On the other paw, Upaja’s priests not only didn’t understand profit margins, they also seemed to have some kind of religious allergy to silver.
And while she could perhaps have lured them to the bath-house with promises of food, the Catsprowl market’s food stalls had a much wider variety of nibbles on offer. Most of the vendors already knew Upaja’s priests would gladly trade vegetable chopping or dish scrubbing for their meals.
Hira understood how to tempt cats with some combination of food, toys, and curiosity, and how to tempt humans with some combination of food, coin, and water-sodden depravity. But she had never needed to tempt any ofUpaja’s priestsbefore. Humans agreed that Upaja’s priests tended to be good people, and humans described “good” priests as priests who were also “not depraved” — despite how much Shai Madhur enjoyed the ache-relief of Ashar’s baths and massages, and how much other humans teased him about that.
Without the lure of either food or anything resembling coin, she wasn’t sure how far depravity alone would get her with a flock of good priests who so eagerly fed kittens.
Still, she’d taught Ashar and Kalyani nearly everything the two of them knew about throwing themselves into a venture headlong, twisting about midair, landing approximately on their feet, and looking like they’d meant to do that all along. They weren’t bad at it, for humans. But Hira was confident she was better. After all, she’d been born with it.
She was going to dangle human-style fetish-lures in front of the priests of Upaja, with absolute confidence. They could notpossiblybe offended that she thought they were depraved enough to be tempted. And if they were offended, she would not apologize; a cat was always correct, and a cat always meant to do whatever had just happened.
We have baths that are wet, splashy, full of soap and oil on bare skin, and this is a desirable thing, somehow,Hira told herself firmly. And then she pounced.
“You’re missing a few bells,” she said to Bekele, while scooping up another kitten whose butt-wiggle suggested a pounce into the yogurt was imminent. “Would you like to come to my humans’ place for some grooming? You’ve been walking a long time, and they have hot baths and?—”
“Oh, yes,please,”Shai Prahlad said, cupping both hands to his brow.
“And I didn’t even get to the soap,” Hira said, feeling her nose twitch as she tried not to snicker. “My humans are very good with brushes and petting and?—”
“You had us at hot baths,” Tarikku told her, with a blissful sigh.
Gambling on human depravity never fails, does it,Hira thought, trying hard not to laugh no matter how much her whiskers were twitching. “Wonderful. I’ll be glad to show you the way.”
“Ah — is this what is commonly referred to as a ‘seller’s pitch’?” Shai Rahim asked, uncertain of the words in the street-tongue, which suggested right along with the accent that he had been Imperial before he’d sworn himself to Upaja. “I’m afraid that none of us?—”
“Carry coin? I know,” Hira said.
“But we can carry water and wood!” Bekele said hastily, feeling among his many braids to learn how many bells had been liberated from his person by newly-jingling kitten-scamps.
“You can if you want to,” Hira told them. “But I’d rather be paid in gossip.”
“Beg pardon?” Shai Prahlad said, blinking.
“Humans gossip wherever their mouths aren’t occupied,” Hira said. “Baths are good for that, obviously. But somehow you still manage it around food, too. Upaja’s priests serve food wherever they go. Which means you’ve just arrived from other cities with your heads full of gossip that nobody else has heard yet.” Grooming the back of her ear idly, Hira told them, “I’m catfolk. I want to knoweverything.And I want to know itfirst. I’m sure my humans will trade that curiosity-scratching for some wonderful petting in the baths.”
One of Israa’s young scamps squalled indignantly,That’s not fair!
Tell me Israa wouldn’t have done the same if she’d thought of it first.
But your humans splash everything in water!
Which is how I keep all you little snoops off of my tail,Hira agreed smugly.Ashar and Camellia are convenient that way, aren’t they.
There’s something else tickling in your head,the kitten said suspiciously.
