“Nash, they’re plants, but under a microscope.” She was tracing the lace-like designs of a flower petal at its cellular level. “They’re so beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I whispered in her ear, grumbling with pleasure as her finger traced over one of my nipples.
She kissed my chest again. “Why flowers under a microscope?”
Threading my fingers through her hair, I encouraged her gaze to find mine. “My mother loved looking at her plants under a microscope; it was one of her hobbies.”
She was listening with rapt interest.
I went on, “She would always say that even the smallest things hid entire worlds if you looked close enough.” I chuckled at the memory. “Like her. My mother was an entire world in a single house.”
Her eyes got big, her mouth curling. “I love that. I’ve never considered it like that.” Her expression told me I’d just unlocked a new door inside her soul.
“She never felt like her world was small. When you look close enough, it’s almost unfathomable. You can spend your entire life exploring the microscopic world of your own home and never visit the same place twice. She didn’t regret her limited travel experience, claiming she’d spent the time instead getting to know her world, and that was all that mattered.”
I could see she was as touched by the idea as I was. All that matters is experiencing the world you occupy every day. Why bother with the rest if you may never see it again?
“Wow. I feel like I need a microscope now,” she said, body shaking with a small laugh.
I chuckled, loving the feel of our combined laughter as it became a part ofus.“I’ll get you one.”
CHAPTER 32
Sybil
“I’m sorry, by the way.” His voice rumbled through me.
I set my chin on his pectoral and looked up at him. “For what?”
He sighed long and hard. “The auction. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I wasn’t thinking. If it’s too hard, it’s not worth going. You can watch it on TV, too.”
I tapped my fingers on his chest, a beat keeping time with my thoughts as I searched for the right words. “It’s not your fault,” I began. I needed him to understand that. Inviting me wasn’t the catalyst here. “This is just part of the process. I get stunned when things catch me off guard, like a bird that flew full speed into a window they didn’t know was there.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, but I put the window there by inviting you to this big event. I should have known better, planned better.”
I smiled at that. “No. You didn’t put the window there. Trust me. It’s beenthere a long time.”
His voice fell to almost a whisper. “I just… I can’t bear to see you hurting. I’d rather die than witness that anymore. Nothing is so important that you should feel that way. It’s not worth it, like you said. If you’re not enjoying it, then there’s no point—and don’t do it because you feel obligated for my sake, or anyone’s sake. Never do that.”
I nuzzled my cheek against his chest. “There’s a part of me thatwantsto do these things. I should be excited. I want to be a part of these events and enjoy them. You and Bee are making this easy for me. While there’s always going to be a battle on my part, having you both there makes all the difference. You’re offering me support that I’ve never had before. You’re willing to catch me if I fall. I don’t think you know how good it felt when you tossed your net out today and brought me back. It’s not always like that for me. Usually, I’m alone.”
His arm tightened around me. “As long as I’m here, I will always do that. I will catch you. I can help.”
My heart soared at that. Although I still feared trusting anyone, I had to try. “I have to do the auction. I’ve gotten this far. If I back out, things will only get worse. My mind can’t get a taste of surrender.”
He was nodding. “I understand. That makes sense.”
“What I need is to stay grounded, get through it, and emerge on the other side with a whole new neural pathway leading the way out. It’s like punching little skylights into the dark places of my mind.”
He chuckled.
I continued, “It hurts, but it’s effective. I’m going to feel pain sometimes in order to get stronger.”
His fingers trailed up and down my hip, the sensation electric. We sat there for a long time, letting the words sink in and become permanent. This was the tipping point, and I’d reached it. For the first time, I could see a way out of the bell jar—and the path wasn’t lonely.
I wanted all of Nash, but I felt his reluctance. I wasn’t fragile, not when it came to sensuality. He should know better by now, especially after reading The Montana Man books. I was twenty-eight, and well aware of how the world worked, maybe even more aware than most with how much time I’d spent reading spice.I was ready. I would not stop him if he tried.
He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “What more can I do to help?” he asked.
