I laid my head against the pillow and shut my eyes; everything hurt.
Time was long and listless. I couldn’t tell you how long I lay like that before heavy footsteps sounded in the distance. A weight caused the bed to dip, and my world shifted to the side. Hands traced along my shoulder to where the covers began, tugging. Unwelcome light poured in as he pulled them back. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. When they did, concern creased the skin between Nash’s eyebrows.
“Have you been here all day?” he asked in a soothing voice, tucking hair behind my ear.
I nodded, feeling on the verge of tears, a sharp sting tickling my nose.
He pulled the covers further back without hesitation, folding the open book of plants closed when he found it tucked under the covers with me. He snaked his hands under my thighs and back, hoisting me into his arms as he had last night.
I felt like deadweight.
On his knees, he backed off the bed until he stood, eyes on mine the entire time. I wanted to smile; I wanted to feel happy to see his glittering gaze, but moving felt too hard and far away. Everything from the past few weeks had tied me up in ropes too heavy to bother unknotting. If you threw me overboard, I wouldn’t resist drowning.
He brushed my hair back, pressing his lips to my forehead, my nose, then brushed across my lips. My head rolled against him, my ear to his chest, his heart thudding hard and hurried. He deposited me on a bench, leaning me back against a wall. I realized we were now in the bathroom. I watched as he walked to the tub and ran the water, his fingers feeling the flow and testing the warmth before appearing content.
The tub filled as he drizzled in some soap, suds billowing with the smell of lavender filling the air. He rolled his sleeves back to keep them from getting wet, jacket already off as usual. Walking back with a confident stride, he knelt down until our eyes met.
“Is this okay?” he asked, lifting my feet and pulling off my Bill socks. Then he stood, taking my fingertips in his. He pulled me up with him, and it hurt to stand. His hands found their way under my oversized sweatshirt, skimming across myskin and tugging up at the hem.
I nodded with his eyes on mine, unwavering.
He pulled, the fabric brushing against my skin as he lifted. It cascaded over my head with a softwhoosh, leaving my top half bare except for my bra. It dropped to the ground with a dull thud. A muscle jumped in his jaw when our gaze met again, tight with tension and barely caged desire as he stood before me.
The sparkle in his eyes was mesmerizing. I fidgeted with the hem of my sweatpants before he helped me pull them down, taking my hand to steady me as I stepped out of them. I stood before him in nothing but the new underwear Bee had bought for me.
His restraint was palpable as he forced his gaze to remain on my face. “Turn,” he said, voice thick.
My head was buzzing, and I didn’t want to overthink things—so I turned away from him.
He unhooked the bra, brushing the straps down over each shoulder and letting it fall to the ground. Fingers ghosted, inch by inch, down my spine. I shivered as I felt every hair on my head stand on end. His feather-light fingertips grazed my hips and the hem of my underwear.
“Is this okay?” he asked again, voice husky in my ear as his lips trailed down my neck. His hot breath sent shivers down my spine, and he hooked his thumbs under the thin band of my underwear, his fingers brushing the V that led to my center.
I nodded, biting back a whimper.
He pushed them off, so slowly it was like a prayer, his breath falling across my bare back as he knelt. Lips pressedagainst the base of my spine and hands gripped my hips as he guided me to step out of them. When he stood again, I could feel his heat so close, he was a hair’s width from enveloping me entirely. When he stepped back, the cool air caused my skin to prickle, nipples tightening.
Overwhelmed, I felt my knees weaken with exhaustion and desire, threatening to buckle. An arm hooked under my thighs, the other around my back, catching and lifting me. He buried his nose in my hair as he carried me to the overflowing bath and set me on the edge. I slid in, the warm water a silken embrace under a frothy blanket of bubbles.
Nash’s hands found my shoulders, and he urged me to lay back. He cupped my hair in his hands, letting it spill over the side of the tub. His fingers combed out the tangled strands a few times, gripping the base of my hair with a few gentle tugs before he released and stood.
“You need to eat,” he said, his voice deep, almost unrecognizable. He cleared his throat and strode out of the room.
I took a deep breath, letting the weight of the situation settle over me. Closing my eyes, I sank below the surface of the water, the muffled silence lulling me for a moment. I could hear my heart beating, a fast and healthy rhythm now. Chest beginning to sting from lack of oxygen, I surfaced, breathing deep and washing the hair back from my face.
The air in the room cooled my fiery-hot cheeks. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, tears pooling over; I let them. They fell freely for a moment, my breath fast and shallow as the panic peaked and fell off again. It’d felt like this all day, endless waves of sharp fear, like a relentless blood pressure cuff fillingand releasing; pinching, then letting go.
Just seeing Nash and hearing his smooth voice steadied my attention, but I still needed to find a way out of the ravine. The look on his face when he saw me, the steadiness of his care for me now and last night. He loved me, didn’t he? This is what that was.
My chest warmed as it greeted thethought, letting it in.
CHAPTER 31
Nash
Everything in my bedroom spun as I paced, hands on hips. I needed a moment to gather myself and calm down. Undressing a woman I wanted this bad was inhumane cruelty, but I couldn’t give in—I was too angry with myself.
Fucking hell, I wanted to throw something.
