This wasn’t so bad. I was totally going to rock being outside the castle.
I quickened my pace and went out of the gates and into Kingsmore. It was bustling with activity, and I made myself move. I had to walk straight through the village to get to the sign that Nico had referred to.
I stayed close to the buildings, but every once in a while, someone would get too close to me, and I would freeze.
Clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench.
My palms hurt from digging my nails into them, and my shirt was drenched with sweat.
I hated it. I hated being scared.
As far back as I could remember, I had always had a fear of being seen. My father had been the same, often returning frantic in the middle of the night. He was worried they were going to find us and kill us, like they did my mom and brothers.
My legs trembled with relief as I drew closer and closer to the sign. I was so exhausted all of a sudden.
I stopped at the side of a nearby building and looked around for Nico. Even if I’d had a light, spotting a squirrel was difficult.
My whole body was tight with worry, and my shoulders ached as my muscles continued to clench. I wished I had been able to tell Nico that I couldn’t leave and that I needed to stay in the castle.
But he hadn’t given me the chance to find my words before he’d scurried off.
There was a small noise in a tree near the edge of the forest. I rushed over to it and looked up into the black branches and leaves. Since my mouth wasn’t working, I flashed back briefly so he could see me.
He made another noise, and I could finally see his brown body jump to the next tree. I followed but grew uneasy as we went deeper into the forest.
I desperately wanted to say something to him, but the words wouldn’t leave my lips. I wanted to shout, “Stop! Wait a second! Let me catch my breath!” Instead, my jaw was clenched tight, not a word leaving my mouth.
I thought counting might keep my mind off what my body was doing, but it made it worse because the morejumps Nico made, the farther we were from safety and things for me to clean.
I dropped to my knees, unable to go on. I wasn’t going to be able to do it. The unknown that lurked in the forest was too much for me to handle.
I needed to go back to the routine of the castle. At least there, I knew what to expect. Even if the castle changed hands multiple times, it wasn’t as if cleaning was any different.
Wipe. Spritz. Re-wipe. Repeat.
Pick up laundry. Take it to the washroom. Sort. Scrub. Rinse. Hang. Fold.
I continued going through all of my tasks and felt myself calming just the slightest bit.
Nico made a chittering noise, but I ignored him. There was wetness on my cheeks, and I was glad he couldn’t see me because I didn’t need him to know I was damaged beyond repair.
He shifted and looked around, searching for me. “Kage? What are you doing?”
“I-I-I.” I swallowed. “I c-can’t.”
Speaking shouldn’t be so hard. I was good at everything I did—cooking, cleaning, reading, writing, dancing. I was even knowledgeable in lovemaking. But speaking?
For once, I wanted to open my mouth and not stumble over my words. I’d been practicing in the mirror when they were gone for the day since now I had the motivation to fix the problem. I could speak fine when alone.
But to actually talk to Nico and Sammy? Nerve-wracking. I didn’t want to think about what would—or wouldn’t—come out the second I had to speak to Val or Amari.
Nico let out a frustrated sigh and walked toward where my voice had come from. I briefly flashed back into the open before going invisible again. The last thing I neededwas for him to fall over me and get hurt. He stopped in front of me and knelt down, remembering exactly where I was.
He reached out a tentative hand and touched the top of my head. I scrambled away from him and shook my head, though he couldn’t see it. “No.” At least I could say that without stuttering.
I yearned to be touched, but anytime anyone got close to me, I freaked out. That’s what happens when you spend your life living in the shadows.
“We don’t have a lot of time. Do you need me to hold your hand or something?” Nico seemed unsure and stood back up with his hands on his hips. He looked both confused and concerned.
