I can't be pregnant. I can't be.
Except…
We’ve been having unprotected sex for weeks now. At first, I told myself a few times wouldn’t matter, that it was too close to my last period, and no one gets pregnant that easily. And then… I stopped thinking about it. I stopped considering the consequences because I was so lost in him, so caught up every time. And I realize with a sickening twist of my stomach that he never said anything else because he trusted me. Foolishly, maybe, since he doesn’t know ‘Valentina,’ but he took me at my word. Just like he has with everything else.
I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m dizzy and faint, and I press my fingers to my temples, leaning forward. I need to know for sure.
I need a pregnancy test. I wait until I’m out for one of my appointments, and then claim I have a headache and need to stop at a pharmacy for some Tylenol. The fact that Luca is driving me makes me feel a thousand times worse; I can barely look at him. I go in, buy pain medicine and a test, and bury the latter deep in my purse.
The next morning, I stand in my bathroom, holding it in my hand. My hands are shaking as I open the package and read the instructions. And then I wait.
It’s the longest three minutes of my life.
I pace the small bathroom, my heart pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat. I think about Luca, about the way he holds me after we're together and the possessiveness in his voice when he tells me I'm his, about the future we can never have because I'm Giulia Ciresa and he's my father's soldier, and there's no world where this ends well. The fact that everything he’s ever said has been to another woman that he thinks really exists. I think about Alessandro, and I think about my father—about his expectations, his plans, and his absolute certainty that I'll do what's required of me because that's what Ciresa women do.
And then the timer on my phone goes off, and I look at the test.
I feel my knees give out, and I grab the edge of the sink counter to stay upright.
It’s positive.
I'm pregnant with Luca's baby.
The first emotion is pure, visceral terror.
How do I tell him? How do I explain that I've been deceiving him this entire time? That the woman he thinks he knows doesn't actually exist? He'll hate me. He’ll never speak to meagain. I let him take my virginity without telling him, slept with him over and over while he never knew who he was really with…
I sink to the floor, tears welling up in my eyes. This is a disaster. Everything is going to fall apart. Everything.
I try to breathe. And slowly, as I force myself to think this through, I feel the smallest ember of hope start to flicker.
This changes everything. I'm pregnant with Luca's baby. My father will have to arrange a match with us instead of Alessandro. The wedding can be stopped. I can have him—really have him, not just in stolen moments at a club but in real life, in daylight, forever. If I can just make him understand, see that I never meant for it to be more than one night, that things got out of hand, that I didn’t want to lie to him, but I was desperate…
I let out a hiccuping sob, half laughing and half crying, because this is it. This is the solution I've been desperately searching for. I don't have to marry Alessandro. I can't marry Alessandro. Not now, not when I'm carrying another man's child.
My father will be furious at first. He’ll rage about the scandal, about the damage to the family's reputation, about my recklessness and stupidity, about another Ciresa child doing whatever they want with no thought as to the consequences. But he'll come around. He has to, because the alternative—me marrying Alessandro while pregnant with Luca's baby—is infinitely worse. There’s no way to marry me off to him fast enough to pass this off as his.
Luca will be shocked. He’ll be angry with me. But we can make this work. We have to make this work.
I can't terminate this pregnancy. The thought of it makes me physically ill. This is Luca's baby—the man I've loved for years, the man who makes me feel alive, the man who's claimed me so completely that I can't imagine belonging to anyone else. And I can't marry Alessandro.
I have to tell Luca the truth.
12
GIULIA
Ipractice the words in my bathroom mirror, my face pale and drawn in the harsh fluorescent light.
"Luca, I need to tell you something. I need you to listen before you react."
No.Too formal. Too distant.
"There's something I should have told you from the beginning. Something important."
Better. But still not right.
I try again, my hands gripping the edge of the sink so hard my knuckles turn white. "I'm Giulia. I've always been Giulia. Valentina doesn't exist—she's just a name I used because I was afraid. Because I needed to be close to you and this was the only way I knew how."
