There, in the paper gown, looking at the black and white image... it hit me.
I was having a baby.
And in that moment, I knew I would do whatever it took to make sure she had the best life possible.
24.Jada
I couldn’t goto work.
I couldn’t go home.
Not with an ultrasound photo that felt like a thousand-pound brick in my purse.
I couldn’t feel my body as I walked out of the clinic and down the sidewalk—it was almost like I was watching myself from the outside as I went to the nearest bench and sat away from the dark, dirty bubblegum spot on the green metal. Cars drove by, but I couldn’t distinguish the roar or the engines from the roaring sound in my ears.
My purse sat next to me, and I took the sonogram picture back out, looking at each of the little whorls. Committing the image to memory.
Only after my vision blurred did I realize I was crying.
I was about to be a mom, and all I could think was how much I missed my own mother.
She would know what to do right now. Even better, she would hug me and tell me it would all be okay.
Closing my eyes, I imagined what she would say while she wrapped me in her arms.Just take the next best step. When Iwas stressing about which college to go to, she reminded me not to stress about making the perfect decision that would get me to the dream destination. She said one “good” step at a time was the path to a better life.
So I took a deep breath and grabbed my phone out of my pocket. After a few rings, my boss’s voice came on the line. “Sunnyside Daycare, how can I help you?”
“Esther, it’s Jada.”
“Jada, honey, how are you feeling? I’ve been praying for you to feel better.”
“Still off,” I told her, holding back a sniffle. “I should be in tomorrow though.”
“Okay, let me know if that changes. Focus on getting better. And tell Glamma I said hi.”
“I will,” I replied and hung up the phone.
One good step.
Which one was next?
I took out a folded piece of paper in my purse and opened it back up. There was a list of suggested items for me to start using. Prenatal vitamins for the baby and oil for my skin. Looking up from the page, I glanced around, seeing a drugstore farther down the street on the corner. Two out of the three lights were burnt out on the sign, but I could see people going in and out.
My next best step.
As I walked to the store, I studied my body in a way I’d never done before. Each little movement of my muscles, every shift of my skin, the way my thighs rubbed together over my work pants.
How had I missed an entire human growing inside me?
The store’s doors slid open as I approached, and I walked inside to the supplement section. There were shelves upon shelves dedicated to pregnancy. Instantly, my chest tightened with anxiety. But I remembered my mom’s words.
I found a green bottle withPrenatalin big, bold letters and picked it up. There were enough pills in the bottle to last the remainder of my pregnancy—if I carried to term. In my arms it went, along with a massage lotion located in the same aisle.
Before I could stress too much, I walked to the checkout line and paid.
One good step.
As I walked outside of the store, I looked up and down the sidewalk, realizing my next step was to go home and tell the father.
