Even though Jada and I were to be married in days, there was still so much I didn’t know about her. Like the fact that she preferred mid-century modern stylings. (“Probably because Glamma’s house hasn’t changed since I was born,” she’d joked.)
Once Jada had selected a mix of vintage and modern nursery items, she and I walked back to the car.
“It’s strange, riding with you and not Gen,” Jada admitted as I held the passenger door open for her.
I lifted a corner of my lips. “My brothers make fun of me for having a driver.”
“Because driving is so fun,” she countered, sarcasm in her tone. “When I had a car, I was always stressed about getting in an accident, getting a ticket, running a red light... It’s a relief to have someone else take the wheel sometimes. Literally and figuratively.”
Her words got me thinking as I walked around to the front of the car. She’d been on her own for so long, and she spent all day caring for other people—children in the daycare, her coworkers, and even the parents who entrusted her with the most important people in their lives. A primal need to take care of her took over.
I got in and turned on the truck so it could warm up. “Hey, I’m here for you, you know,” I said, reaching across the console to hold her hand.
There was a vulnerability in her dark eyes as she looked at me. “I think I’m having trouble with the thought of relying on you fully. Maybe it’s guilt, but maybe it’s fear too... I know how quickly you can lose everyone you’ve ever counted on.” Her final words were a bitter whisper.
“That’s the thing about life,” I said. “We like to think we have control over our futures, but all we have is influence. What we choose today affects the future; it doesn’t design it.”
Jada studied me. “Doesn’t that terrify you?”
“No,” I said.
“Why not?”
Music played softly from the radio as I thought over my response.
“My mom had this saying, and my whole family tried to live by it. ‘Lead with love.’ The idea is that love can’t steer you wrong. Whether you’re afraid or angry or fearful, if you’re on the fence about what to do, if you act in love, then you’ll have made the right choice.”
I could see the words washing over her, heavy enough for her to glance down at her lap and draw a careful breath before looking back at me. “I feel like I’ve messed up so much with you, Bryce,” she whispered. “I hid things from you.”
My chest ached at the guilt her voice carried. “You did. But you led with love, Jada, when you were honest with me. It was scary to think about losing all that support, but you did the loving thing and told the truth.” My eyes stung as I realized my mom probably would have been proud of Jada, even if she didn’t make the right choice at first. “We all mess up, but that’s the thing about love. It doesn’t demand perfection.”
A tear slid down her cheek, and I brushed it away with my thumb. Sensing that she’d reached her limit for the night, I put my truck in drive and held her hand the whole way to her grandma’s house.
When we arrived, she looked over at me with a bittersweet smile. “It’s hard to say goodbye.”
“Soon, we won’t have to,” I said.
She didn’t agree. Just whispered, “Good night,” and slipped out of the car.
69.Jada
With a final wave at Bryce,I walked inside the house, ready for Glamma to ask me how the date had gone. But she had fallen asleep in her recliner. A game show played on the TV while her reading glasses slid down her nose, and her newspaper, folded to the section with her sudoku puzzle, lay across her lap, pen somewhere in the chair or the folds of her muumuu.
Snores passed softly through her lips, barely audible over a contestant’s cheering on the television.
Emotion rose up in my throat, forming a lump as I carefully took the newspaper and pen, setting them on top of the pile on her side table. Then I grabbed a throw blanket from the back of the couch and spread it over her legs.
Then I sat for a moment on the couch, eyes glazing over as I looked at the TV. When I was younger, Glamma and I would shout our guesses at the screen, heckle the contestants, even though Peggy from middle-of-nowhere Kansas had no chance of hearing usorchanging her answer.
Glamma let out a particularly loud snore, like she could hear me thinking about her, and I snapped out of my trance. I got up,moving around to clear her pretty piles from the surfaces around the house.
Her date book lay open at the bottom of a pile of mail, and when I picked it up, I noticed something written in red under a date later this week.
Knee Replacement Consultation.
My eyebrows drew together. Glamma had told me her appointment with Dr. Martins went fine. A knee replacement didn’t sound fine.
I had half a mind to wake her up, but since I knew that wouldn’t end well for either of us, I picked up the phone and called Bryce.
