“I guess you are.” I smile.
He slowly lowers his hands.
I nod that it’s okay. When my pulse settles a little, I say, “You need to be for your job. We all need to be. And you’re welcome, but I have two requests.”
“What are they?”
“I don’t know how fast you work, but I don’t want it to come out until tomorrow, until after my time to confess is up.” I watch his reaction.
Confusion crosses his brow. “Why?”
The questions dart through my mind:If you are the killer, what does this do to your sense of morality? Are you going to make a move to take me out because it’s not on your timeline, or will you accept my full confession a day late?
“I mean, it’s going to be a crunch,” he adds. “But yeah, I was absolutely planning to push this so it’s posted well before midnight. Hitting that deadline’s part of the point, isn’t it?”
“No,” I say. “I mean, yes. Originally, I thought I’d confess on the killer’s timeline. But I realize I don’t want that.”
“But waiting, defying the killer. Won’t that invite an attempt on your life?”
I don’t answer. I stare into his eyes. I want to ask him,Will it? You tell me.
“And that’s exactly what you want, isn’t it?” His voice goes a notch higher, like he’s nervous, too.
Anxious and excited for himself to be near his prey? Or anxious for me?I wonder again. But I say nothing. I watch him, try to see something, anything that will tell me the answer.
“That’s a little crazy.”
“If I don’t find who’s behind this, they’ll move on to the next person. I can’t have that. I know this will possibly bring about an attempt on my life, but if I can take down whoever this is, I’ll be one fucking happy private investigator.”
There’s still so much to do to find out whether I’m only the target of some copycat or the real CA’s hit, but Alderson and Greene are working on this central question.
Me? I still intend to track down Vivian and to investigate the towns where Mooney said there were suicides, especially the ones with addiction or grief clinics. I have a small hunch that a connection lies between one of these northwest Montana towns that Vivian’s mom, Cindy Petronis, was visiting with her packed suitcase and the places Mooney said people died from the drugs he was pushing for Carssen. But everywhere I go from now on, I will have a bodyguard, and I’ll wear my Kevlar, like I am now.
“But this isn’t only about trying to lure the killer out.”
“No?”
The mix of emotions whirling inside me makes me feel fluttery and conflicted, but underneath it all, I feel a release, a deep, nourishing sense of freedom to get this out. “It’s about my story, one I’ve decided I want to share after all. One I’ve been keeping buried for too long. This isn’t some flimsy confession in a social media post. Which leads me to my second request.”
“You got my attention.”
“What I’m about to tell you involves my sister. I do not want her name used. I will not give you the rest of this story unless you promise me that you will not disclose her identity.”
“I promise,” he says. “And if your sister isn’t happy with it?”
“She definitely is not happy, but I’m past that. I want this out. So come on, let’s do this before I change my mind.”
A Confession
X: @ReginaSelway #CAConfession—Two years ago I took out a huge loan to buy my boss’s veterinary clinic. Soon after, I hired an empl. who I later discovered was injecting lethal levels of ketamine into some of the pets and watching them die. I, of course, fired him but I never reported him. I don’t know where he is now, but the whole thing was creepy. I should have reported him, but I didn’t want my new business to suffer. I had just bought it, and I couldn’t afford to have bad press! I feel so awful. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in 2 years.
Chapter 51
Zero Days
Six a.m. My nerves are frayed. I didn’t sleep a wink with questions pinging through my mind. How will the world take my confessions? How will Jess react? How will my friends and community take it?
I tried to block it out, but I kept swinging back and forth from too many people I’ve ever known, wondering what they’ll think of me.
