Perhaps he was worried that talking to Freddie and forming a relationship with the boy after their kiss back at Y2K was going to piss me off or upset me.
It was quite the opposite, to be honest. Jamie and I had never really had a serious talk about monogamy and what that meant to both of us. The thought of watching Jamie come undone with only me or with me and others turned me on the same. I wanted to see Jamie’s pleasure in any way that he wanted. That night I had paddled Freddie; Simmons was like a cat that got the cream when he bounced over to tell me my boy had jerked it to the scene in front of him.
Assuming he would play with that little cocktease Freddie or with another Dom I trusted like Simmons, then I would be okay with it. It was a conversation we would have sooner rather than later; it seemed.
“I saw him…not, uh…talking as much, though,” he says with his brow pinched.
“Kissing, then?” I prompt. Jamie jerks in his seat, his eyes almost bulging out of his head. I try to hide a smile and fail.
“Blondie, it’s okay if you did. Sometimes subs mess around with each other at these things. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Are you ashamed? I promise I’m not mad if that happened,” I reassure him. He slowly shakes his head, though, biting on that plump lower lip.
“Jamie. Answer me. And stop biting that lip, or I’ll plug you, spread you wide and resign you to the attic alone tonight.”
“No,ohmygod, no. We didn’t kiss, but uh, well, Freddie dragged me into a small cupboard, and we were like this close,” he motions his finger and thumb to show me how small the space was. “And Freddie was all like. Let’s play a game; I’m bored. But I said no and then Simmons found us and Freddie lied and told him I fucked him, but I didn’t A, I swear.”
Jamie is almost shaking at this confession, so I take pity on him. I park us in the driveway, glad for the good timing, switching off the engine before turning to face him.
“Jamie. Look at me. Okay, I am not mad, and it sounds to me that nothing happened. Why do you look so guilty, darling?”
Because he wanted to fuck him.
The voice in my head whispers. Would I be okay with that? I let out a small breath to centre myself and wait for him to respond.
“I… well…I’ve been having thoughts about possibly, maybe, like a little about doing something with someone like Freddie,” he confesses. He looks so distraught at his admission, as if I’ll tell him that filthy thoughts are banned from our relationship.
“Jamie, that’s okay. We all have dirty thoughts.”
“How are you so okay with this? Do you want me to kiss other people? Do you…are you saying…” But he didn’t need to finish the sentence because I knew what he was saying. Did I no longer want him?
“I love you. But I realise that we never had the talk about monogamy and if it’ll work for us. So, tell me, Jamie, honestly. Are you thinking we should open our relationship so I can watch you possibly, maybe, kiss some boys for me?” I ask with a sliver of teasing.
Jamie looks at me through those long lashes, the smell of pine and lavender filling the small space of the car and making me want nothing more but to strip him and have him ride me right here in the driveway. Before I can think about the cost to tint the windows of my car, Jamie finds his voice again.
“I’m not sure. I love you too, and I don’t want to ruin anything or have you think I am not fulfilled because A, oh, I am. More than fulfilled, and I’m not just saying that. You’re incredible and make me feel so loved. I don’t want us to do anything we can’t come back from, I guess.”
I understood that. I didn’t want us to ruin anything either. After what we had been through in the beginning and are currently still going through with Jed, the meshed weird found family we now shared. I didn’t want him alone again if things went badly, and he felt that those friends, who had grown to adore him, were only on my side. I’m sure that if I messed up what we have, it would be me in the end, as they’d all choose Jamie in a heartbeat.
“I get it. But communication is key, yeah? We keep talking, we discuss the fears, the wants, and everything in between, okay?”
At that, a small smile tugs at his lips, making him look mischievous.
“What is that smile for?” I ask with a similar look on my face.
“Simmons said that if I had truly fucked Freddie, then he’s have known. What do you think he meant?”
“Oh, Jamie. I think we’ve found our play partners,” I say with a wink. “C’mon out of the car. You owe me those actsof service before bed, and I think I might cash in a foot rub,coughjobcough.”
“You filthy man. I’m in,” Jamie laughs as he throws open the car door and runs towards our home.
Chapter 35
Jamie
I wake to the smell of coffee and the loud meow from one menacing cat called Johnny, clawing at the bedroom window.
Arnie didn’t know, but for the last two months I had lived here, I had been letting Johnnycakes come in and sleep with me in the early mornings that he was gone for work.
I didn’t get the chance to have pets growing up; something about allergies, then Jed not liking animals, were the excuses thrown out whenever I saw cats with little bell collars or dogs being walked in the park and whined for my own.
