I’m more strong-minded than I thought I was, thanks to Arnie showing me I can be powerful and confident not just in my work but in my life too. Even in taking the lead between us last night. I never imagined that he would allow that to happen, but he did. It was beyond hot. I hoped Arnie would be up for some more fooling around if I got good news today from the university.
Ugh. The meeting. I want to go back to classes, and I want to graduate. Truthfully, I haven’t settled on a career yet, and I don’t want to give up my passion for dancing. I only have one semester left, and I can’t believe Jed might mess it up.
My life is finally looking more like the one I fantasised about in the lonely corners of my mind when I would lie in my tiny, pathetic bed at night. It doesn’t seem impossible now to havefriends who know my past and a partner that supports my job as a dancer too. There’s a feeling of freedom inside me; I can reach for the stars. Be whoever I want to be.
I refuse to go back to the old Jamie. Afraid, consumed with sorrow and misery. Looking over one shoulder. Waiting for the other shoe to finally drop. Not this time. Jed won’t get the chance to lay his disgusting hands on me again.
With that final thought, I pour the coffee, loving that we both take it the same way, then head to Arnie’s bedroom.
“Come in,” I hear behind his door as I knock gently.
I’ve never been in his room before, and it’s not exactly how I thought it would look when I first met him. I assumed, with all the ink and perma-scowl he usually has, that it would be black with accents of leather. A bit like what I assume a sex dungeon would look like, if I’m honest.
Lace white curtains let through streams of early morning light. Its envelopes the queen-size bed in front of the window. Plants hang from the rails in wicker pots; tendrils spill to the top of the headboard. There are more little plants dotted around the walls on both sides of the room, on the floor, and some on shelves. Restorers have glossed the original wood flooring, showcasing its enchanting oak color. A large blood red Victorian style rug takes up most of the space.
The bedding is burnt orange, nestled within it looking like the comfiest snack is Arnie. Sleepy, gorgeous and after last night... possibly mine?
“I made us coffee, I hope you don’t mind me waking you,” I say as I shuffle further into the homey room.
“Of course, come squeeze in here and we can talk while enjoying our coffee.” He makes a come-hither gesture with one hand, and I try not to look too gleeful as I parade over and put the tray on the bed. I almost knock the mugs getting under the covers so fast.
He’s wearing sleep shorts. To my disappointment, I was hoping he was a nude sleeper like me. I want to trace his tattoos, find my favourites and let him tell me about the stories behind them. Having yet to see the man fully naked, it’s torturous that I’m about to be in bed with him for a serious, grown-up chat and not for anything fun.
“Hmm. Come here first,” he demands in that growly Dom voice. I go to him, his arms surround me, pulling me in, and we kiss slowly. I rest my forehead on his and just enjoy the moment. Well, as much as I can while his large, sexy body gives off nothing but pure carnal heat against mine.
“Okay, so have you thought about what I said last night? I meant it when I said you should take a couple of days to think on it. But you know your own mind better than anyone.”
“I want you,” I blurt out before I can think.
“Jamie, I want you too, but this lifestyle isn’t for everyone. You’re new to it; I don’t want to push you. Don’t just tell me yes and then deal with the consequences later. I need to know if you’re serious.”
I look at him, chewing the inside of my cheek as I take in what he is telling me. Then I shake my head.
“Nope. Still want you,” I say, popping the P.
I cut him off before he can talk, earning me a raised eyebrow.
“I never knew this was an option in life. I didn’t know this lifestyle existed. When I look back on my life, it looks black and white compared to now. I want this. I want the pain. I want to give it. If you need marks on your skin, then I want them to be from me. If you tell me I need to whip you every time we have sex, if that’s what you need, then I’ll learn. I’ll speak to Beau about a costume change at work if you need to see your marks on me to feel fulfilled. You told me I know my mind better than anyone else. Well, my mind is telling me I’m home. I’m complete. That having your trust, your care, and your belief inme? That’s me sold. A. You told me communication is key to this dynamic, so here I am, a boy in your bed, asking you to be my boyfriend.”
I wait with bated breath. I had no idea where that was going when I opened my mouth, but I knew I wanted Arnie as my boyfriend. To be there by my side as I explore this new version of me, I think was always hidden there, just waiting on the right person to come let it out.
“Fuck blondie, yes. I’m more than happy to be your boyfriend. Thank you for choosing me to help you navigate this new side of yourself. I promise to take care of you. We can even go to Nyctra, the club, and you can speak with the owner if you want? We can take it slow. But I’ll be by your side the whole time, okay?”
My eyes water at his words. Overwhelmed again at Arnie’s generosity towards me. His selflessness. I lean over again and kiss him, just a peck this time before pulling back. I swipe away the tears as I smile at him, passing our almost forgotten coffee mugs into our hands.
“That means no more spanking lost boys from the uni.” He rolls his eyes at me and pokes me in the ribs, making me nearly spill on the bed.
“Blondie, you’re the only one I have ever done that with. Simmons lost his mind suggesting you to me while you were a student at the uni I work at, but I’ll admit that I am glad he did. Hand on heart, I only ever tutored at the uni and gave spankings to lost boys at the club,” he confesses, watching me over the rim of his mug. I gape at him. Why was I under the impression that I was one in a long list of filthy student/TA escapades that Arnie had been having?
I lean against the pillows and blow out a puff of air to get the curls out of my face. I’m happy and exactly where I want to be.
“Jamie, what are your plans after the meeting?” Arnie’s tone suddenly taking a serious turn. I shift to face him as I sip my drink.
“Well actually. Raj messaged me this morning asking if I wanted to go to this monthly market near the park, and I was thinking...” I trail off as I meet Arnie’s gaze.
“What?” I laugh.
“You. And your friend,” he states, giving me that gloriously perfect smile again. I roll my eyes too late to catch myself as I remember Arnie’s earlier threat, but he waves me off and I seem to be forgiven for now.
