Hannah was quiet for a moment, thinking it over. Violet smiled hopefully at her.
I could do it. I could get up, splash some water on me face, maybe change me petticoat. I could jam a bonnet on me head and go out in the wind. Fresh air woulddo me good. The last time I got fresh air was when I went out to get the eggs two days ago. Incidentally, that was the last time I did a chore in the house.
Of course, she knew that this lethargy couldn’t go on. She couldn’t spend her life staring at the ceiling and circling a whirlpool of misery. Lying in bed wouldn’t do anything. It would change one thing about her circumstances, except to make her more miserable and Violet’s life more difficult.
Closing her eyes, she concentrated on not letting any tears fall. If she let herself fall apart in front of Violet, her sister would start crying too. She’d panic, desperate to soothe her, to make thingsright.
And, of course, there was no making things right. Of course there wasn’t. And there was no need, no need at all, for Violet to suffer.
That was what big sisters did. They took the weight off their younger sisters’ shoulders.
That was what Hannah would do.
Opening her eyes, she met Violet’s gaze and gave a tight smile. “I’m fine, Violet. Truly, I am.”
Violet bit the inside of me cheek. “Daenae ye want to see people at the market? Duncan will be there.”
Hannah sighed, imagining it. She imagined the stares, the muffled whispers, even Duncan’s sympathetic smiles.
Nay, thank ye.
“I’ll stay here and rest,” she answered firmly. “I might… might sweep the floor before ye come back.”
Violet’s eyes dropped to the dirty, gritty floor. She said nothing, even though both of them must have known that the floor wouldnotbe swept by the time she returned.
“Very well,” she relented, sounding more than a little disappointed. “We’ll have supper when I get back, then, eh? I’ll be gone for hours. Ye ken how long market day takes.”
Hannah forced her lips into the curve of a smile. It made her cheeks ache, and probably looked strange on her face, but thesmile was a semblance of normality. She had no intention of letting it go just yet.
Keep smiling, and everything will be fine.
Violet licked her lips nervously and took a step forward. “I can stay with ye, if ye want. If ye daenae want to be alone.”
“Nay, Violet. We need food. We need things from the market. Besides, I ken that yedaenae care to be cooped up. Ye had enough of that when ye were sick. Go out, I’ll be fine.”
Violet sighed, passing the back of her hand over her forehead. “Ye cared for him, did ye nae?”
Hannah flinched. “What’s that got to do with it?”
Violet gave a wry, tired smile. “It has everything to do with it.”
Tightening her jaw, Hannah rolled over, putting her face to the wall. “Oh, go on out if ye are going,” she muttered bad-temperedly. “I want to sleep.”
“Daenae ye think ye have done enough sleeping?”
Hannah squeezed her eyes shut.
“Aye,” she whispered, without turning around. “I have. When… When ye get back, Violet, I’m going to get up. I really am goingto sweep this floor. I’m going to be meself again. I’m going to put Laird MacBain and everything that happened behind me. I’ll be a sister and a hard-working lass again. Things will be fine, and I’ll be just like before. I promise ye that now.”
Violet let out a ragged gasp of delight. “Oh, Hannah, that’s wonderful news! Oh, I’m so happy. I’msohappy.”
She darted forward, pressing a damp kiss against Hannah’s temple. Hannah managed a weak smile that Violet did not seem to notice.
“I’m going to pick wildflowers on me way home from the market,” she called. “Nice colorful ones, with a nice scent. We’ll put them in a vase on the kitchen table, eh? They will cheer ye up, I just ken it!”
“Thank ye,” Hannah murmured soberly. She didn’t believe it. But Violet did, and really, that seemed like the most important thing.
Beaming, Violet scampered away.
