His eyes looked moist as he avoided meeting my gaze. He even sniffled a little as if he might cry. Ever with his head on a swivel, he kept looking around.
Yes, I now knew that they had seen and heard what just happened.
I suppose I did not care. They had been standing with us when Carlos made his declaration.
How can someone just change your whole life with a vow? I might never know. But I did know that Selena Gomez would never be the same again.
Chapter Eighteen:Angels & Men
Carlos
I didn’t know what Selena felt or thought about my words and actions. She did have a look of shock afterward, though. Then she became unusually quiet.
Chingar, I hope I didn’t fuck everything up.
Selena was the kind of woman who was used to being independent and she was a kickass warrior like I had already told her several times. So I wasn’t sure how she would feel about actually sharing her life with me. Like getting married and having children.
I was highly aware of the path she had been on prior to meeting me. Oh, yes. I knew where she had been. The dark world she had submerged herself in. You don’t allow yourself to care for anyone. You can’t. It would be seen as a weakness. Then you become a target. You are no longer powerful. I came from there. And I never wanted to go back. I wouldn’t ever do that.
I didn’t realize that I was going to do that at all either. Tell her how deeply I felt about her and publicly too. I never looked that far ahead. Honestly, it surprised me too. I think it was the influence of my coma-induced dreams as I call it now. Not that I did not mean it. I did…With all my being.
We checked out and the purchase was somewhere in the four thousand dollar range. Orale, I never spent that much on clothing even when I was at the top of the crime world.
Next, we went to buy real luggage that lookedhigh classas Rain put it. We were supposed to be well to do as Henry put it. The two men seemed to be in charge of all this, although I think they knew that Selena was the one who really called the shots.They seemed to be impressed by her too. Not that I felt just impressed. No, I finally had to face it after the vow I made today.
I was in love with Selena Gomez. Not lust. Not infatuation… L.O.V.E.
I also realized quite a few things about myself. I was too selfish to fall in love before I hit that tree. People said I was a cocky asshole. I remember Ignacio, a cousin of mine that had the guts to face me and tell me exactly that. I paused, then I laughed. The bad part is that it was not funny. I covered my pain and hatred with that self-centered bad boy act. The rumors about me were notorious. And I wanted it that way. I flirted with many women to keep the cover too. As a man, I loved looking at them but many around me believed that I actually went to bed with most of them.
Untrue. I rarely did so.
I was too involved in the bloody legacy of the Castillos to even consider frivolous outings. I acted cavalier while I was anything but. Despite detesting my father and every part of his organization, I still fell into the trap of power and violence. I bided my time. Half the time I just left it to fate. I felt helpless as I was not running my own life. My father ran it. I allowed it due to fear for my sister and those twins. Hatred and bitterness rode me as I truly became a vessel of bad intentions. Especially after Santiago told me the truth about executing Alex and taking Gabriela’s children from her.
His blackmail over me furthered my worst qualities. All while I never even realized that my father had won. With the man I’d become he was victorious, but I was too dumb and blind to see it. Selena also wouldn’t be where she was today if it hadn’t been for the actions of my father. It hurt my heart to know that she had used her college money to get trained to join a cartel in order to exact revenge for her brother’s death. Then there wasthe fact that I was also a focus of that revenge. She believed I knew of what happened to Alex for all that time, that I went along with it. Or that I never cared about it.
“Pedro!”
The name cut into my thoughts and I raised my gaze to look over at Rain. “Mierda! I am not used to that name.”
“You best get used to it.” He smirked at me. “My sweet Agnus and I decided that we all need a new pair of shoes.”
“Yes,darling,” Henry told Rain. “So you and I had better get some swanky boots. They are all the rage right now.Sickas they say. Just sickass cool.”
Again… we all looked over at him.
He shrugged. “I am getting into character.”
Rain scoffed. “No, you are acting like yourself.”
We all laughed, including Henry.
Finally, we looked for shoes and that was fun too.
At one point, Henry had put on high heels. No one in the store even blinked as the six foot three male sashayed around in five inchpinkstilettos.
Rain leaned in close to me and whispered, “These people aresickassfor not even noticing.”
Selena and I grinned at him.
