“I’ve been j-jumped three times in the last t-thirty days!” he exclaimed nervously as he stammered. “I-I’m tired of getting r-robbed.”
I came over in my boxers and stared at him. “What kind of gun do you have?”
He stared back at me while looking confused and asked, “W-what?”
“Is it a thirty mil? Or a 45?”
He blinked at me in confusion. “Um, it’s just like a small one.”
Selena shook her head and lowered her gun. “Yeah, he’s just Uber.”
We both knew a true assassin would know about guns. This guy seemed to be clueless. Besides, he was too young and looked like he was gonna piss himself. Damn, Selena could be a scary woman. I tried to hide my grin.
The man let out a huge breath and knelt to pick up the bags with shaky hands. “I-I hope your drinks d-didn’t spill.”
Yeah, he was just a delivery guy for sure.
He went over and set the bags on the small table. He still looked nervous and shaky. He then stepped over to the door.
“Wait,” Selena called to him.
Turning, he backed up as he still looked terrified. Obviously, he’d thought he would get away in one piece and without a bullet to the head.
Selena then tossed his small revolver to him.
With a panicked, “Eeek!” He hopped away from the flying gun. It landed on the carpet as he covered his head and raised his leg up with a bended knee to protect himself. Once he didn’t hear a gunshot, he slowly dropped his arms and exclaimed, “Damn lady, it could have gone off!”
“The safety’s on and I took the bullets out.” Selena shrugged.
I let out a huge laugh. I couldn’t help it, the scene was too funny.
The man looked comical, with his arms over his head and his legs shaking… poor guy. He grabbed the weapon up and clumsily opened the door.
Selena called to the fleeing man, “I will add another hundred bucks as your tip!”
He kept running.
We were both laughing as she went over and shut the door.
“Poor man. You scared him almost to death. And you almost had him ruining a perfectly good pair of jeans.” I laughed then raised my head to look at her. “But how did you pay for that?” I asked as I went over to the bags to see if there was some coffee. “You can’t use cash with food deliveries.”
“A Visa gift card.” She shrugged as she double locked the door and came back over.
“Smart. Then again, you must have the highest IQ of anyone I have ever met.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, I’m a real scholar.”
“You are. I mean I’ve never seen anyone so resilient and clever. You could major in like Spy class or something.” I paused while digging into the bags. “Yes! Cafe!” I cheered as I raised the foam cup of coffee up like I’d just found gold. Then I looked down at the bags again and gasped. “Egg McMuffins? And those awesome hash browns? Fucking yum!”
She smirked as she came over. “You are… like a kid sometimes, ya know?”
“Yes, I think it's because I am now free to be one. And believe me, I was not like this before my date with that fucking tree.” I sat in the chair and tore the wrapper off then took an eager bite of the Egg McMuffin. “Oh, and you bought four of them for me? A huevo...Hell, yeah.”
“You are talking with your mouth full,” Selena admonished even though she smiled at me.
I nodded as I swallowed. “Sorry, I got too excited.”
Shaking her head she said, “I guess I can savvy that. You didn't get any decent food for how long?”
