“I can’t. I’m not leaving. Please, don’t make me leave Ares,” Zara pleads with her mum.
Fuck.
“Zara, maybe we should try the treatment centre. It’s only a month. It’s not that long, and if it helps, it will be worth it,” I tell her.
“I don’t want to leave you for an entire month,” she says.
“I know. I don’t love the idea either, but we have to try.”
“What if I pick the at-home option? I can still see you?” she suggests.
“You could, but is that really the best? Is being at home the best place for you to get help?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. I can see how much she doesn’t want to do this. I can also see how much she needs to do this.
“Zara, sweetheart, we need to get you the best help we can. This centre is the best place in Melbourne,” her mum urges.
I look over to Dominic. He’s not saying a damn thing, but his jaw is tight. “At-home treatment is a good option too,” he finally adds. “I’d prefer her to be under our roof, where we can keep an eye on her. If she doesn’t want to go away, I’m not making her.”
“She also didn’t want to live past last night,” I bite out. “Zara, we have to do this. You tried to fucking kill yourself. This is beyond just having thoughts of harming yourself. You actually followed through with the thoughts. What happens if you go home and you’re alone and you try again? I don’t know if that’s a risk I want to take just because it’s what you think you want.”
I know I’m being harsh. But if this is the only way to get through to her, then fuck it. I’ll be the asshole. I get up from where I was sitting on the edge of her bed and start pacing the length of the room.
“I’m scared,” Zara whispers, and her words pierce my fucking heart like a blade.
Sitting back down, I pick up her hand and join it with mine. I take a breath and count to ten in my head, because I don’t think yelling at her is the answer. I want to tell her thatI’mfucking scared. I was scared when I found her lifeless body. I was scared when I had to hold her in my arms all the way to the hospital. I’m scared now that I’m going to be the reason she refuses the help she needs. She thinks she needs to be near me, with me. She’s wrong. She can do this alone, and I think maybe she needs to.
“You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Zara. It’s okay to be scared. We all are. Everything in life worth doing is scary. But the thought of you not getting help and trying to take yourself away from me again, that’s fucking terrifying.Please.We need to do this. It’s only a month. I’ll be right here waiting for you when you come home.”
“Promise?” she asks me.
“Promise.”
Zara looks at her mum. “Okay. I’ll do it,” she says.
“Zara, you need to want to do this for yourself. If you don’t, it won’t work,” her mum replies. “I don’t want you agreeing to go to a facility just because Ares told you he thinks it’s a good idea.”
“I want to get better,” Zara insists. “I don’t want to be like this anymore.”
“Okay. I’ll make the arrangements. Your sister wants to come in,” Mrs McKinley says.
I stand from the bed, but Zara reaches out and snatches my hand. “Don’t go,” she pleads.
I nod and sit back down.
Mr McKinley follows his wife out of the room, leaving us alone. Zara looks to me as soon as they’re gone. “I want you to know it’s okay if you don’t wait for me. I get it. It’s a lot to take on and I don’t have any expectations.”
“What the fuck, Zara?” I spit out. “Start having some expectations then. I’m going to wait as long as it takes.”
“We’re young, Ares. You’re free to do whatever you want. I don’t want to hold you back from anything.”
“Zara, listen to me. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care how far away you go or how long you’re gone. I will be right here when you get back.”
She blinks at me. “You really like me, huh?”
“I really fucking like you,” I tell her.
“Good, because I really fucking like you too.” She smiles.
