I consider what he’s asking of me. It’s not really fair for me to put all of my issues on him alone. We’re still in high school. This should be his year of letting go and having fun before having to go to university and taking on more responsibilities. And here I am, holding him back from all of that. Being a burden.
“I hate that you have to do this for me.”
“It’s what boyfriends are for.” He shrugs.
“I thought they were for orgasms.” I smirk.
“Boyfriends can be useful in many ways, P. You ready to go in?”
“You’re going to stay with me? What if they ask me something I can’t answer in front of you?”
“What can’t you say in front of me? I would like to think you can tell me anything, Zara. I want to be the person you trust with your deepest darkest secrets,” he tells me.
“You already know more about me than anyone else. I don’t want to scare you off.”
“It’s a good thing I don’t scare that easily.” Ares grins, and my stomach does that swarm of bees thing it does when he looks at me like this.
“Okay, let’s go in.” I take a shaky breath as I open my car door and step out.
My heart is racing. I’m really doing this. Going to speak to a professional about my mental health. I can’t believe Ares set this up. Am I worse than I thought I was? For him to do this, he must think I’m in a bad state, right?
Ares grips my hand and walks me into the building. He takes the form from the receptionist and fills in all the details for me. A young brunette doctor calls my name—well, my fake name—and I stand, not letting go of Ares’s hand. We’re led into a warm, cozy office. There’s a two-seater sofa and then two single chairs.
“I’m Dr Finn. You can call me Louise. Please sit wherever you’re most comfortable.” The doctor points towards the sofa and chairs.
Ares leads me to the double sofa, and I’m relieved he’s sitting so close. I can feel his warmth.
The doctor sits across from us and picks up a notepad. “Katie, what brought you in here today?” She smiles warmly. I’m sure it’s meant to be some sort of welcoming gesture to get me talking.
I open my mouth and then close it. Looking to Ares for help. “She has been experiencing bouts of depression,” he answers for me.
“Katie, how would you describe your mood most days?” The doctor stares directly at me.
“Um, Sad. Tired,” I answer quietly.
“How long have you been feeling this way?”
“A few years,” I answer. I feel Ares’s head turn towards me.
“It started about four years ago,” he adds.How does he even know that?
“This first session is just going to be us getting to know each other better, Katie. I want you to feel safe here. If you’d prefer to talk to me alone, we can do that.”
“No,” I answer quickly. “I need Ares to stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says.
“Okay, I’m going to ask a few questions, and I want you to be as honest as you can be. There is no judgement in this room. There is no right or wrong answer.”
I nod my head in agreement. I don’t know if I can do this.What is she going to ask?
“What kind of thoughts run through your mind when you’re feeling this sadness?”
“I’m not sure. I usually just cry. And I fixate on not being able to stop crying,” I tell her.
“Do you have self-critical thoughts or feelings of worthlessness?”
“Yes,” I reply. “I feel like I’m a burden most of the time.”
