I know better than to mask my feelings for too long, because now that he’s not here to distract me, I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to stop it.
I reach into my pocket and pull out some tissues, wiping my face and nose, but it doesn’t do anything to stop the sobbing.
Why? Why am I like this?
I don’t understand. I force myself to think about everything I have to be grateful for. I think about the way my parents love me, my sister and my grandparents. Even my Uncle Xavier and Aunt Shar, my mother’s brother and his wife. I have so much. I know this.
Why do I feel like I have nothing?
The door swings open and I look up. A pair of dark-green eyes peer down at me. They’re usually blank, no emotion showing. They’re not right now, and I hate the pity that I see staring back at me.
“Fuck, Zara. Why didn’t you call me?” Ares closes the door and then he sits down on the floor in front of me.
I don’t say anything. I can’t. What would I say? He’s just caught me at my worst.
Leaning forward, Ares wraps his arms around my body, picking me up and bringing me closer until I’m straddling him. My legs lock around his waist as he holds me tight to his chest.
Burying my face into his blazer, I let myself take the comfort he’s offering. It’s wrong, to use him like this. But right now, I need it, so I indulge. Lifting my head, my face just inches from his, I meet his eyes and then I do the unthinkable. I lean in, pressing my lips against his mouth.
Ares stills. But he also doesn’t stop me. Which is why I continue. My tongue pushes through the seam of his mouth and he opens for me. Seconds later, Ares is taking control of this kiss. He swirls his tongue around mine. Slow, gentle. His hand cups the back of my head.
We kiss for what feels like hours, but is probably only minutes. When I pull away, I scramble off his lap. The tears have stopped. I still feel like shit, but a little less than I did before.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” I tell him.
“Did it make you feel better?” Ares asks, his head tilted.
“A little,” I admit.
“Then you should do it. Feel free to use me like that anytime you want, P.” His smirk lightens the mood.
I don’t respond. Instead, I pull my bag closer and dig through it until I find the little bag I always carry with me. Starting with the wipes, I clean my face, and then I start reapplying the makeup I ruined. First a light foundation, then some concealer,mascara, and blush. I keep it simple and light because when you have to reapply constantly, you can’t spend hours doing a full glam.
“You do know you don’t need that stuff?”
“What stuff?” I ask Ares.
“Makeup. You’re hot without it,” he says.
“Thanks?” I put everything back, pull my hair out of the tie, and then do it up again, making sure the pink bow is perfectly sitting at the top of my head.
“Why do you wear a pink bow every day?”
“I like them.” I’ve been wearing my hair like this for years. It’s not because I like it, though. It’s because I remember Ares telling me it looked pretty once. It’s stupid, but that’s why I started wearing pink bows every day, and now it’s more of a habit than anything else.
“You good?” Ares stands when I do.
“Yeah, sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” He opens the door, and I step out.
“Where were you?” I ask him before I can stop myself.
“Miss me, P?”
“No,” I lie.
“Sure you didn’t. Cara called me last night. I had to go and see her.”
