Ever since I was attacked in the tunnel, Sebastian has been acting differently.
He touched me —
He touched me and it wasn’t out of duty or to get me through Malachite’s gate or tapping my elbow to remind me to lift my arms in training. No. He touched me because hewantedto. I could see it in his eyes as he knelt before me. I felt it in the way his fingers trailed small circles at the backs of my legs that made my stomach flutter and my skin pebble.
Stars. I never knew something so small could feel so intimate.
That was not the touch of someone who hates me or if it was, he must be trying to torture me. I try not to let it cloud my perception of him and the things he did when I first arrived. The way he’s behaved and spoken to me is not something I can so easily forgive and forget. Is it? The second I stepped away from his warmth, I wanted to run right back and beg him not to stop.
But the other moment that lingers, the one that hurts the most is when he challenged me with the chalk. I felt a spark of familiarity ignite inside of my chest in that moment. My heart started screaming,thisis the Sebastian you remember.Thisis who you thought you’d find within the walls of Valmora Academy. He’s been in there all along.
It made me want to cry. Seeing him smile. At me. For me. Tome. I wanted to sob with relief because Lukas’s Sebastianisalive, he’s just hiding behind the guarded version I’ve now come to know.
But then my head swooped to remind my stupid, fickle heart thatthatSebastian cannot exist in a world where the one who betrayed Lukas does as well.
And so, I let him leave. While I stand with his touch lingering on my skin, like a bruise I never want to fade.
THIRTY-FIVE
Iwake to someone tapping my shoulder, rousing me from sleep. I blink up at them several times until his face comes into focus.
‘Jed?’ I grumble. ‘What time is it?’
‘Just before sunrise, but you need to wake up and get ready. We’re leaving soon.’
‘Leaving?’ Did I just hear him correctly?Beforesunrise …wake up? ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ I lean up on an elbow to watch as he bends down to shove his boots on. After Sebastian left last night, leaving me standing in the middle of my room with a torrent of conflicting emotions, Jed appeared and told me that he would be sleeping there instead of Sebastian or Lillian.
‘Seb’s beat after the camps. So, I’m on babysitting duty tonight,’ he’d said, looking like he’d already been asleep, untilsomeonehad gone and woken him up and told him to come down here. He’d crashed, face down on the bed roll and I heard him snoring not three minutes later.
‘Everyone’s meeting at the forest again, for your next test. And you’ll want to bring that.’ He points to the dagger that’s in the sheath and hanging off the post of my bedframe.
I sit up and push the blanket off my body. ‘Jed, what aren’t you telling me? What is this test about?’ Why do I need to bring a weapon?
‘I can’t tell you,’ he says apologetically. ‘I’ll be outside while you get changed and we can head out there together. But hurry, and Nocthare …’ he pauses, biting his lower lip. ‘Prepare yourself.’
What Jed didn’t say was that Nicks was about to throw us in the deep end, royally fuck us, and probably kill us too. So much for him not wanting anymore of his students to die, because this is the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard.
‘You want us to dowhat?’ I snap, not caring that everyone turns my way. Not caring that I’ve never called out during training or so much as raised my hand to ask a question in the middle of the group before. Becausethiswarrants a fucking explanation.
Nicks glowers at me, annoyed that I’m asking him to repeat himself as we all stand around in a circle, shivering our asses off in the early morning air. The sun hasn’t quite reached this side of the mountain yet.
‘I said,’ Nicks starts again, ‘that inside the forest there are twelve shadow walkers. They have been somewhat sedated but are still very much dangerous. Your task is to find them and kill them.’
My skin grows cold. Shadow walkers. They brought back twelvefuckingshadow walkers from the camp they went to.That’swhat Nicks needed Sebastian’s help with. To bring back a dozen of the monsters that have come through The Veil … to train first years?
Insanity!
‘There is one shadow walker for each student. Around the neck of each walker, there is a shard of malachite. Kill the walker and bring the stone back here, to me, as proof of your kill. Accomplish this, and you will have passed the test, and the stone will be forged into your first weapon. Come back empty-handed, and your combat leader will head into the forest to do your job for you and you will have failed. Understood?’
Only a handful of us answer. I’m not one of them. Because I think this is wrong. We’re barely trained. From what I know, none of us has taken a life before, let alone come face to face with a shadow walker.
Nicks nods to the line-up of combat leaders behind him, who then walk over to us and start pulling weapons from their person to hand over.
My eyes find Sebastian’s. His are dark and stormy. His lips are pressed into a tight line and a muscle feathers at the edge of his sharp jaw. He unsheathes two short swords. One from each hip and holds them out toward Isla and me.
‘Keep your eyes peeled in there. They’re fast, and strong. Stronger than you’d think. Aim for their chest or their head. Donothesitate. Once you have your stone, get back here as fast as you can.’ His voice is sharp and clipped, a general if I ever saw one. But his eyes bore into me as if he’s trying to communicate something else wordlessly.
‘Is it true that if their claws scratch you, you become one of them?’ Isla asks, pulling his attention away. She slides her sword through the belt at her waist.
