‘Why did you choose Malachite?’ he asks once more. This time it’s quiet and full of what I could almost mistake for tenderness.
It takes me a moment to find my voice. Because I don’t want him to hear the vulnerability in it when I speak. There’s already too much of it in my eyes and I hate that he’s seen it. I swallow and pull away from his gentle grasp and take out a roll of bandages from the box. ‘You’ll need to wrap your hand in this.’ I hold it out to him but when he doesn’t take it, I put it on his lap and get up.
With shaking hands, I dart to the bathroom and turn the faucet on and start to scrub the blood on my hands. The water turns a light shade of pink as it swirls down the drain. I scrub well after it’s run clear, just hoping for a little extra time to compose myself. But of course, Sebastiandoesn’t stay put where I left him. I see him at the threshold to the bathroom through the corner of my eye, his hand now wrapped in the white bandage as he leans his shoulder against the door frame.
I turn the faucet off and grip the edge of the sink.
‘What do you want, Zain?’ I ask, feeling deflated.
‘I want you to answer my question.’
‘Why?’ I turn and lean my hip against the cold porcelain. ‘Why does it matter? You don’t even want me here.’
‘That’s not—’ he starts to say but cuts himself off with a shake of his head. Tension tugs at the corners of his lips.
‘What were you going to say?’
‘Nothing. Forget I even asked.’ He walks out of the doorway, leaving me standing there utterly confused. One minute he’s hounding me to answer him and the next he’s telling me to forget about it. He needs to pick a damn lane and stay there because I’m starting to get whiplash from his sudden mood changes.
I stomp after him but halt when I spot him picking up the dagger from my bed. ‘I’m taking this.’ He wipes the blood off on the leg of his pants before he sheaths it in his waistband.
‘What? No!’ I protest. ‘You can’t take it, it’s mine.’ A lie.
‘Please, I’ve spent more time in that Training Centre than I have in my own bed. Do you really think I wouldn’t recognise one of Nicks’s training daggers?’
‘I need it!’ I shout, almost sounding desperate.
Because I am.
He shoots me a pointed look, and I start to scramble for a reason that would convince him to let me keep it. In the end, I go with the truth.
‘You were right the other night. I’m not safe and I can’t defend myself, not with my magic anyway. I’m a walking target and I’m sick of it.’ My eyes fall to where the dagger is concealed within his waistband. ‘I just wanted something that would help me fight back. So, I stole it.’
He stares at me for a long moment. I can see the conflict swirling in his eyes as he debates what he should do. The air crackles between usas we stand only a few feet from each other. How we can go so quickly from soft spoken voices as I stitch his hand back together to practically yelling in each other’s faces is beyond me.
The breath he lets out is full of frustration.
‘Fuck’s sake,’ he mutters as he reaches beneath his shirt and pulls the dagger out by the hilt. He flips it around and hands it to me, pinching the blade between his fingers. ‘You can keep it,for now.I’ll work on getting you another one that doesn’t belong to Nicks.’
I’m already nodding as I take it from him.
‘Don’tlose it. I mean it. The second he realises it’s gone, he’ll search everyone’s room to find it, and I won’t bail you out if he finds out it was you.’
Noted.
‘I wouldn’t expect you to.’
THIRTY-TWO
Dense fog rises around me; it clouds my vision. I can barely see a foot in front of my face. My arms stretch out, reaching for something to hold onto, something to tell me where I am or what direction I should head. But all I find is a vast emptiness.
The soles of my boots crunch over gravel as I step cautiously forward.
‘Hello?’ I call out into the murky air.
I wait … but no one calls back. My eyes start to sting against the fog, causing me to blink several times.
Stars, where am I? Where is all this fog coming from?
