"It was just a summer job." He said it without apology. "I’ve had a lot of jobs. Until there were none... " He pushed back from the table and stood up. "Anyway, I’m gonna take a shower and get ready for your doctor friend."
He opened his mouth again like he wanted to say something else but then caught himself and just turned around.
I didn't push for more. He'd given me more personal information in the last few minutes than in the last twelve hours,and I wasn't gonna ruin that by asking for more before he was ready.
When Artie's truck pulled into the drive at nine on the dot, I let him in and introduced him to Joshua and then went back to my bedroom to work on my laptop.
I was able to focus for about eight minutes before my brain started drifting.
And it never drifted past the young man on the other side of my house.
I knew it was wrong and kinda creepy to be imagining Joshua naked…but I couldn’t help it. I’d been in a dry spell for way too long, and being able to take care of that boy had awoken something in me that had long been dormant. I didn’t ever expect to care about someone in a way that bordered on obsession, but in the short time that I’d known him, that was exactly what I was feeling.
Obviously, I couldn’t act on my feelings. Not yet anyway. Maybe not ever.
Joshua needed to focus on himself, not some pervy old guy who couldn’t keep his dick down when they were together. But knowing it was wrong and that I shouldn’t do something never fully stopped me. He was an adult and I was an adult, so if he made a move or asked me to be there for him physically or emotionally, I wouldn’t say no. Even though I really needed to give him space to get past his demons before I burdened him with those kinds of decisions.
Joshua had been through something awful and traumatic, and he needed time to process that. I couldn’t even imagine what hewas feeling right now, but I did know he needed attention and support and someone to give a damn about him.
I shut the laptop and sighed. Work was the last thing I was worried about. After rescheduling my meetings, I glanced at the clock. I usually pumped in the morning but didn’t get a chance to with Joshua up so early.
As soon as I started thinking about it, I felt a letdown. That familiar pressure behind my pecs meant my body was making decisions regardless of my schedule or my guests. There was no way I could get my pump out of the kitchen without making a scene, so I hopped into the shower and quickly hand-expressed enough to take the edge off. I just didn’t want to be soaking through my shirt all day. I didn’t have high milk production, which was a blessing. Some guys produced several pints per day, but I wasn’t like that. I could force myself to produce more if I wanted to, but I didn’t want that. Why would I?
After manually massaging a few ounces from each side, I soaped up and washed my hair.
The water was hot and felt good on my tight skin. And as soon as I relaxed even a tiny bit, the niggling in the back of my mind was back. Had Joshua seen me pumping last night? He didn’t act strange or upset this morning, so maybe he didn’t wander down the hallway and see me. Or maybe he did and just didn’t understand what he was witnessing. Or maybe he just truly didn’t give a shit what I did. Indifference was the scariest possibility. Selfishly, I wanted him to have at least a friendly interest in me. And more altruistically, because I wanted him to care about the world he planned to live in.
But no matter how much I tried to distract my mind and body from the handsome face and sleep-touseled hair that took mybreath away when he cuddled up near me that morning, I couldn’t deny my attraction. He was gorgeous and sweet and…desperate for someone to care. I wanted to be that person. The one to care for his mind and body…as well as all his other needs.
And speaking of needs, I couldn’t deny mine.
I braced one hand on the shower wall and grabbed my cock with the other, stroking myself as I pictured Joshua in my work t-shirt. In my mind’s eye, he was fresh out of the shower and looked right at home. As if he belonged here.
Fuck. I reached down to give my balls a tug before stroking faster, pushing myself to orgasm as quickly and quietly as I could.
Fortunately, it didn't take long. I hadn’t even been interested in getting off in forever and now it was front and center in my mind. Apparently, my self-control had been pushed past its threshold, and I was owning the pervy stranger role.
I wasn't proud of it, but I also wasn't gonna beat myself up over a private moment in my own shower. He was cute, and single, and fit perfectly in my arms.
I was only human.
5
JOSHUA
Dr. Arthur was not what I expected.
I'd been bracing for someone clinical and stuffy who would sit across from me with a notepad and ask me how I was feeling. But the man who came through Matthew's front door was maybe fifty, in a flannel shirt that looked like he was heading to chop wood after our meeting.
He shook my hand like I was a person and not some pathetic mental problem. "Hi, Joshua. I’m Dr. Arthur." He put a worn canvas bag on the table and put a stethoscope around his neck. "Matt tells me you had a rough night."
I scoffed and wondered what their conversation was really like. "That's one way to put it."
He smiled sadly and nodded. "Mind if I take a quick look at you before we talk?"
“Sure.” I didn’t like doctors, but I’d promised Matthew that I’d cooperate, so I stared straight ahead as he checked my pulse and blood pressure and then listened to my heart. When he looked at my eyes and asked me to follow his finger, I wondered if Iwas “passing” his tests or if he was getting ready to have me committed.
The whole thing took maybe ten minutes and barely felt like a real medical exam. But when he put everything back in his bag and just looked at me, I knew that was the easy part. The formality before the hard part began.
