In the morning, we’d have to go back to whatever we were before. But until then, the only thing I cared about was that this kind and gorgeous man's arm was around me and he held me like I mattered.
More than mattered.
Like I was important to him. Maybe even…loved. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this before, not even from my mom. But the way Matthew touched me and looked at me, even when he was frustrated, I could almost feel care and affection in his stern voice and heavy sighs.
It felt good.
I was glad it was dark enough that Matthew couldn’t see the goofy smile on my face as I settled back into his embrace and drifted to sleep.
When I opened my eyes again, the room was still dim, but light was peeking in through the blinds. I’d turned around in my sleep and now we were pressed chest to chest. Matthew's arm was still over me, but his breathing had changed and it sounded like he was awake.
I opened my eyes, and Matthew was looking right at me with his head on the pillow. He had a soft smirk on his face as my eyes adjusted. "What has you smiling so big?"
“Hmm.” I was still half asleep, and my filter wasn’t quite functioning yet. "You." I leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. "Being here. Feeling like this."
His voice was rough and low. Almost a whisper. "Like what?"
I smiled again and sighed. "Like I'm loved."
Only a second passed before I realized what I'd just said and felt the heat rush up my neck. "Sorry." I started to pull away so I could explain myself. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant?—"
Matthew didn’t let me get far before he pulled me in and kissed me.
It wasn’t a forehead press or a gentle reassurance. He kissed me deep and slow, like he was pouring more of that love right into me. Both of his hands were on my face as I held onto his wrist and kissed him back.
When he finally pulled away, he didn't go far. Just enough to look me in the eye. "You are, Joshua." His voice was kind but stern, like he wanted me to really hear him. "I love you."
I heard it. I understood the words, but it still took my brain a moment to process that they were real.
And then a sound I'd never made before came out of my chest before I could stop it. "You do?"
"I do." He smiled and kissed me again, this time just a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. "You've brought me more happiness and contentment." His mouth was at my temple, and he chuckled. "And…and worry…in the past few weeks than I've felt in longer than I can remember." His arm tightened just slightly. "That's how I know it's real."
I swallowed hard against the tightness in my throat. "I feel that too."
"Do you?"
"Yeah." I pressed my forehead into the crook of his neck, just cuddling with him. "Love, I mean. I love you, Matthew."
He exhaled slowly and just nodded. “Good. Because I’m not planning to let you go.”
“Ever?” I regretted saying the word as soon as I did because I didn’t want to put him in a position to lie. “Don’t answer that.”
“Why not?” He cupped my cheek and looked right into my eyes. “Because the answer is no, not ever. I hope you never want to leave me…and I’ll work hard to make you want to stay.”
Tears sprouted from my eyes, and I nodded. “You don’t have to work very hard because this is where I finally feel at home.”
We made it out to the trail by nine.
The fog was still lingering in the cypress trees as I fell into a comfortable pace beside Matthew. Like usual, we ran without talking, just breathing in the cool air and listening to the distant sound of water. At one point, he reached over and knocked his hand against mine. I grinned and caught it for a step before letting go and taking off ahead of him up the hill.
At the two-mile marker, we stopped for a breather and looked out at the water. It was a beautiful day, so I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture to remember it. Then I changed the angle and took a selfie with Matthew peeking at me from behind.
Matthew leaned forward with his hands on his hips, breathing heavily. "You good?"
"Yeah." I looked at him and grinned, knowing he was talking about more than just our run. He was talking about last night. This morning. Everything. And everything was great. "Really good."
“Me too.” He watched me for another minute and then bumped my shoulder with his. "Race you back."
