I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I had pale skin and dark circles under my eyes. I had tried three different shades this morning, layering them with the desperation of trying to look like a normal human.
My hands shook when I fastened the buttons on my navy blazer, the one Derek had gifted me for the court appearances. It looked professional and put-together, but I still felt like a zombie.
Because I knew deep in my bones. I just knew that I was pregnant.
It had taken years to conceive Lily. Years of trying, of disappointment, of fertility treatments and scheduled sex that had felt more clinical than intimate.
And now, after just a few times with Derek, my body was telling me the impossible had happened despite the pills.
I should take a test and confirm it. But I was terrified of what it would mean and terrified of how Derek would react.
This was supposed to be a fake arrangement that would end soon and I was pregnant with my childhood-friend-slash-hot-boss-slash-fake-fiancé’s child.
“Paige?” Derek’s voice came from outside the bathroom. “Are you okay in there?”
“I’m fine,” I said, forcing brightness into my tone. “Just finishing up.”
Derek was waiting in the hallway, already dressed in one of his perfectly tailored charcoal suits. He looked every inch the powerful attorney, but his eyes were soft with concern as they swept over me.
“You look beautiful,” he said, but I knew he was worried. I couldn’t stop puking for two days. “Are you feeling okay? You seem?—”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just nervous. It’s a big day.”
He didn’t believe me, but he let it go. He held my hand and squeezed gently.
“It’s going to be okay,” he said. “Jennifer’s brilliant. We have all the evidence, and by the end of today, you’ll be free of him.”
Free. The word should have filled me with relief. Instead, it just made my stomach churn.
The babysitter arrived, and we went through the usual routine about the diaper bag, emergency contacts and Lily’s nap schedule.
“Be good for Sarah, okay?” I said, crouching down to Lily’s level. She was playing with her blocks, barely paying attention to us, and something about her complete unconcern made my throat tight.
Derek kneeled beside me, poking her nose with a smile. “We’ll be back before you know it, sweetheart.”
Lily looked up then, her blue eyes focusing on Derek with her usual intense baby focus. Then her little hand shot out, grabbing his tie with surprising strength, and she grinned.
“Dada!”
The world stopped.
Derek froze, his eyes going wide with shock and I covered my mouth in surprise as warmth flooded my chest.
“Dada!” Lily repeated, tugging on his tie with delight. “Dada, Dada!”
“I-I… she—” Derek stammered, his face flushing red. “I d-don’t. P-Paige, she…”
His stutter, the one I had barely heard in years, came back in full force. I watched this confident, powerful man completely fall apart over a single word from my daughter.
Our daughter. If this was real.
“It’s okay,” I said softly, gently prying Lily’s fingers from his tie. “She knows who takes care of her.”
Derek looked at me, and the emotion in his eyes was so raw and so vulnerable that I had to look away before I started crying right there in the entryway.
The car ride to the courthouse was silent as Derek drove with one hand on the wheel, the other holding mine. His thumb traced absent circles on my skin. Neither of us mentioned what had happened. Neither of us mentioned the word that was still echoing in my head.
Dada.
