She squeezed my hand and smiled at me, “I’m glad you didn’t give up.”
“What about you?” I asked, steering the conversation away from myself. Especially my father. “How was it? After Lily was born?”
Paige was quiet for so long I thought she might not answer. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper.
“Postpartum was hard. Really hard. I didn’t… feel connected to her at first. Everyone talks about this instant love, this overwhelming bond, and I just felt—” She swallowed hard. “Empty and exhausted like I was failing at the one thing I was supposed to be good at.”
“Paige, you?—”
“And Jack wasn’t there. Not really. He held her for photos, but the moment she cried or needed changing, he would hand her back to me. Like she was my job, not his,” she sighed, shaking her head and thinking about the past. “I didn’t know if I was doing a good job. If I was enough for her. Some days I still don’t know.”
“You’re an incredible mother,” I said, pulling her closer and tucking her against my side. “You know that, right? The fact that you worry about being good enough proves you’re good enough.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
Halfway through some action movie I had already lost the plot of, I realized Paige had gone still against my shoulder. Her breathing had evened out, deep and peaceful.
She had fallen asleep on me.
I didn’t move and didn’t dare wake her. I just sat there with her warm weight against me, her head tucked perfectly into the curve of my neck, and let myself imagine that this was real. That this was my life and that I got to keep this.
Sean’s words echoed in my head. You’re falling for her.
I looked down at Paige, at the gentle rise and fall of her breathing, at the way her hand had curled into my shirt like she was holding onto me even in sleep.
Sean was wrong.
I wasn’t falling for her.
I had already fallen. Crashed, really. And I did not know how I was going to walk away from this when the time came.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I sighed, reading the message from my mom.
Mom: Bring your girlfriend to the wedding. I’ll disown you if you don’t.
I guess we’ll have to do more kissing practice.
20
ONLY ONE BED?
PAIGE
“We’re going shopping this afternoon,” Derek had said in the morning after he got a threatening call from his mom that he has to visit his cousin’s wedding with me and Lily.
“Why?” I was still shocked that Charlotte, Derek’s mom, wanted to meet me.
I mean, of course, she would. She had known me since we were kids, and now I’m dating her son.
He gave me a look and said, “I need to buy underwear.”
I had rolled my eyes, thinking he was bluffing.
But he wasn’t.
Since I found myself in an exclusive boutique, standing in a private suite while assistants brought in gown after gown and Derek sat sprawled in an oversized chair, a paper-bag full of his underwear (he wears briefs, yummy.)
