To the sultry sounds she had made and the way she trusted me to take care of her. The hazy way she looked at me.
After my workout, I showered and got dressed in one of my suits. Paige was still asleep, curled up in my sheets, making me smile. I wanted to climb into bed, wake her slowly and show her all the other ways I could worship her body.
Instead, I grabbed a notepad from my office and scribbled a quick message:
Went to work early. Take the day off and call if you need anything.
- Peterson
I left the note on the kitchen counter after checking in on Lily. Who was still sleeping peacefully in her crib, one tiny fist curled near her face. Then I headed for the office before I could change my mind.
Don’t forget that this is an arrangement. Nothing else.
I had been staring at the same contract for a few minutes when Sean appeared in my doorway.
“You’re here early,” he said, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. “And you look like hell.”
“Thanks. Does Chelsea ever tell you that you have a gift for compliments?” I rolled my eyes.
“She tells me I have a gift for knowing when my friend is spiraling,” he said, stepping into my office and closed the door behind him. “Want to tell me what’s going on? Because the photos from last night are everywhere, and you’re hiding in your office at ten in the morning looking like you haven’t slept.”
“I’m working.”
“You’re avoiding something,” Sean said, dropping into the chair across from my desk. “This is about Paige, isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer, which was an answer itself.
“Derek,” he said, his tone serious. “You’re falling for her.”
“It’s an arrangement,” I said automatically, not looking at him. He knew me too well. “That’s all.”
“Bullshit,” he scoffed, leaning forward. “Derek, I’ve known you for fifteen years. I’ve seen you with dozens of women. And I’ve never… ever seen you look at anyone the way you look at her.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“Am I? Because at that gala, when Jack was threatening her, you looked ready to commit murder. And when you carried her down those stairs?” He shook his head. “That wasn’t acting, man. That was real.”
“She just left her husband, Sean.” I set down my pen, finally meeting his gaze. “She’s vulnerable. I was just helping her.”
“Uh-huh, sure. Because that’s what it looked like. Helping her.”
“Look. I’m only pretending because I can’t do relationships. I don’t do commitment, remember? That’s my whole thing. Three months, maybe four if I’m really trying, and then I bail.”
“Maybe you haven’t met the right person yet. And now you have.”
“Or maybe I know exactly who I am.” I stood up and walked to the window overlooking the city. “You know what Kelly said when I broke up with her? She said I was in love with someone else. That I had always been in love with someone else.”
Sean was quiet for a moment. “She wasn’t wrong, was she?”
“No,” I said with a sigh. “No, she wasn’t. But that doesn’t change anything. I’m not good at this, Sean. I’m good at work. Good at keeping things casual. But a real relationship? Being what Paige needs? Being a father figure to Lily?” I shook my head. “I’d fuck it up. It’s what I always do.”
“Maybe you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”
“I know exactly who I am, Sean. And it’s not good enough for her,” I said, turning around to face him. I almost slept with her last night even though I knew she was vulnerable. “Paige deserves someone who can be a real partner. Someone who won’t run when things get hard. Someone who knows how to be a husband and a father. That person isn’t me. It can’t be me.”
Sean leaned back and narrowed his eyes at me. “So what are you going to do?”
“Stick to the plan. Help her through the divorce and keep up appearances until Jack signs the papers and then we end it.”
