I didn’t know where to look, what to say, or if I should even be standing there.
Amir ran a hand down his face; his calm swagger seemed to be gone just a little.
“You could’ve told me this over the phone when you first found out. What did you expect popping up on me?”
“Amir, I’ve called you today, but you barely answer your phone when you don’t want to? And I have a key to your front door, so I didn’t think it would be a terrible thing to use it?”
“Yeah, if I know you are coming, Delilah.”
“You know what, Amir? Forget it. Clearly, you got other shit to focus on tonight.” She grabbed her bag from the chair.
“So, we’ll talk soon, or we won’t. I’m done forcing anything on you. I have my health to worry about now.”
She shot me one last glare, then looked back at him.
“Have fun, Amir.”
She turned and stormed out, the door shutting so hard it echoed through his apartment.
Amir stood there for a second, staring at the door like he was still taking in everything. The calm, confident energy he had all night was gone, replaced by something heavier. He exhaled slowly, then rubbed his hands together like he was trying to ground himself.
“I’ll be right back, Jas. Sorry about that.” He dropped his head.
“But make yourself comfortable. "
He turned and walked down the hallway toward his room, closing the door behind him without another word.
I was about to follow him, but then I decided to let him cool off at his own pace. I always hated comfort in moments when I wasn’t quite ready for it. Comfort too soon often made me feel suffocated, forced into a false sense of being okay, when sometimes getting your sadness out is a cure. I’m not sure their dynamics, but I know lupus is a devastating diagnosis. I knew a girl whose mama died from that shit in high school, and it happened pretty fast.
I sat on the couch completely still until I heard the door to the bedroom open behind me. When Amir came through the threshold, he stood there leaning against the frame.
“Are you okay? I really can leave, and it’s no problem. I didn’t mean to cause any drama.”
“You straight Jasmine, and as I told her, you were invited here. I don’t want you to leave.”
“You seem pretty shook up by that news. You want me to fix you something to drink or something?”
Amir rubbed his chin, dropping his head before looking up into my eyes.
“To be honest with you, I need you to distract me again.”
“Distract you how?”
“Distract me as you did the other night. I mean, I was in physical pain until I saw you the night I got shot.”
“So, you want me to masturbate in front of you?” I laughed through my nose, caught off guard by this request, but honestly not against it completely.
“Nah.”
He cut off my giggles with a cold, sharp tone with no humor behind it.
“What you did the other day helped with physical pain. This shit is way deeper than that. I want to have sex with you, Jasmine. My mind fucked up and I don’t know any other way to deal with the shit. Only if you want to, of course.”
My chest started to rise and fall, and the words coming out of my mouth didn’t flow so easily.
“Oh, oh, wow. O, okay. I think I can do that.”
“Don’t think. I need you to know that you want to fuck me Jasmine. Deep down in your soul because that's what I'm going to touch.”
