We got the horses tacked and pointed them toward the hilly area behind the house. Most of the property I lived on was flat, but there was a little bit of variety in the landscape to the east.
“Are you happy here?” Sierra asked as we rode toward the hills east of the house.
“I am,” I admitted. “Like I said, it’s different from Goldfinch, but it’s different in a good way. It’s quiet out here. Peaceful. I think…” I paused, turning my head toward her. “I think you’d really grow to love this place if you stayed here.”
“Maybe.” She gazed out toward the horizon, not making eye contact with me. I could have been wrong, but I thought I noticed her eyes glass over.
“Where do you think you’ll go once the season ends?”
She tilted her head to the side. “I’m not sure.”
I wasn’t sure what I hoped she’d say. Part of me wanted her to stay here with me, but the other part knew that Sierra would go wherever the wind took her. She was independent, fiercely so. She always had been, and I would never hope to tame her or reel her in. I just hoped one day the wind would blow her back to me and she’d realize that she didn’t have to carry all her burdens alone.
“Do you ever worry about what happens once you’ve achieved everything you’ve wanted?” Her question interrupted my swirling thoughts.
“What do you mean?”
“Is there a limit to what you can do? A limit to dreaming, to hoping?”
An odd sense of calm washed over me, and I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I think dreams give us hope, and hope makes us stronger, able to endure difficult things. We’ll always encounter challenges. That’s just life. It’s unpredictable. But having dreams and goals gives us the will to keep going, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.” My eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to her. All I wanted was for her to look back at me, too.
A silence fell over us, save for the hooves clomping against the ground.
“You’re right,” she finally spoke again, her voice a bit melancholic. “I guess I’m just not sure what’s next. If I make it to the NFR, my dream since I was a kid, what’s next? What else do I have to look forward to, to worktoward?” A humorless laugh escaped her. “I don’t know, I’m just rambling. It’s stupid. Ignore me.”
“What you’re saying isn’t stupid.”
She snapped her head toward me, her emerald gaze holding mine.
“I think it’s normal not to have everything figured out. You don’t always have to be achieving things either. Maybe your next dream is to justlive.”
From what I knew about Sierra, most of her childhood had been spent just trying tosurvive.
Her teeth gnawed on her bottom lip. “Live.” Eyes averting to the ground, she hung her head a little. “Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good dream.”
A soft breeze tickled the back of my neck, a flock of birds soaring overhead. But what got my attention was a butterfly with orange wings fluttering on the wind across our field of vision.
“I think the universe agrees.” I pointed out the butterfly. “That’s a good sign right there, if I’ve ever seen one.”
Sierra’s eyes flicked up, and her lips curled into a lopsided smile. “Should we go back?”
I nodded, turning Peanut around. “Wanna race?”
A glint of mischief sparkled in her eyes. “You sure you’re up for that challenge?”
“Always.” Before she could respond, Peanut and I took off, speeding up into a trot, then a canter.
“Hey!” Sierra yelled behind us. “That’s cheating!”
A deep laugh rose from my chest as I looked over my shoulder. “You’re one of the best barrel racers in the world. I’m sure you’ll catch up!”
When we got back to the house, I immediately hopped in the shower. We weren’t outside for very long, but my body still felt like it was covered in grime and sweat.
The hot water rained down on my skin, providing much-needed relief in my aching muscles. Steam circled in the air around me, and I reached for the eucalyptus-scented body wash I’d found at the grocery store, not wanting to touch Sierra’s fancy stuff.
I tried not to think about her as I lathered my skin in soap. It had been a long time since I’d been with anyone—five years to be exact—but that didn’t mean I didn’t torture myself over Sierra on the nights my resolve was weak and her lavender scent filled my nostrils like a phantom sense.
The guys had tried to set me up with girls before and had asked me why I didn’t seem interested in women at the bars. The thought of being with someone else—of baring my soul to anyone but Sierra—just hadn’t crossed my mind. Plus, during the very seldom times someone managed to get close, it was like my mind was wired to think about Sierra and Sierra alone. That kind of thing isn’t fair to anyone, no matter which way you try to frame it.
