“I’m not lying,” I say around a mouthful of food. “We’re not fucking. We’re just fucking around. There’s a difference.”
JT’s brow furrows but before he can ask me what the hell I’m talking about, Maggie bursts into the kitchen. She’s not much bigger than Viv, but she’s a force to be reckoned with. She’s got one hand on her hip and the other one is holding the baby monitor. She sets it on the counter before turning to her husband. “They’re fucking,” she tells him.
He nods vigorously, like a damn dog with a bone. “That’s what I said.”
“No, we’re not.” Viv and I don’t plan to speak in unison; it just happens.
But Maggie’s not giving up the fight this easily. “You mean to tell me that you two haven’t seen each other naked in the past twenty-four hours?”
Viv rolls her eyes as she steals two carrots from JT’s chopping board and hands one to me. “I never said that. I said we weren’t fucking.”
I’m watching the interaction between the two women, and I’m slightly afraid Maggie’s head is going to explode. “What do you mean you’ve seen each other naked within the last day, but you’re not having sex? What, are you practicing strip yoga together or something?”
“That sounds fun,” Viv says, taking the words right out of my mouth. “But no.”
“I don’t believe you,” Maggie says, shaking her head. “I know you as well as I know myself. You have your I-just-got-laid face on. You’ve been freshly-fucked. Don’t even bother denying it. And you two have been making eyes at each other since Mickey got here.”
“He’s hot,” Viv says, shrugging. “I’m allowed to ogle the man if I want to. It doesn’t mean we’re doing the horizontal cha-cha or whatever.”
Maggie looks her best friend in the eye. “You’re really trying to make me believe that you and Mickey aren’t having sex?”
“We aren’t,” Viv assures her. “Anal doesn’t count.”
“Anal doesn’t count?!?” Maggie sputters, her brain unable to compute what’s happening.
“Nope,” I say, figuring I should contribute to the conversation. “It doesn’t count as sex if you put it in the back door.”
“Yes,” JT says, dumping all the salad fixings in a bowl before turning toward me. “Yes, it does.”
“No,” Viv reasons, swiping a cucumber while JT isn’t looking. “It’s only sex if it can get you pregnant. Everybody knows that. Although, maybe that’s why you two have a kid.”
“Let me get this straight,” Maggie says, rubbing her temples. “You guys are-—”
“Hooking up,” I answer, just as Viv chimes in with “Messing around.”
“Whoa, back up,” Maggie says. “How long has this been going on?”
“About a week,” Viv answers. “And it’s perfect because that means we can just stay friends. No complications, just fun. And just so we’re clear, I mean the dirty kind of fun.”
“Exactly,” I say. “It’s all the good stuff without any of the bad stuff.”
The kitchen is quiet for a minute while our best friends process what we’re saying. JT opens his mouth to break the silence, but his daughter beats him to it. A baby wail erupts from the monitor on the counter. JT reaches for it, but Viv waves him off and takes it instead. “Don’t worry, Princess Calla,” she calls as she leaves the room, “Auntie Viv is on the way.”
“Dude.”
That one word from my best friend has me turning my head. “What?” I ask, bracing myself for the onslaught of questions. It’s not that JT’s nosy or even judgmental, but Viv and I did kinda just drop a bomb.
“You’re so fucked,” he says, shaking his head.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, reaching into the fridge to grab the salad dressing.
“You watched her walk out of the room. You’re practically fucking drooling. And don’t even start with the whole ‘we’re not having sex’ thing. You’re getting naked together. It counts.”
“It’s not the same,” I protest. “Actual penis-in-vagina sex is a boundary we’ve set, and we’re not crossing it. It’s kind of a genius plan when you think about it. We’re exorcising all the sexual tension with none of the risk of actually getting attached.”
JT and Maggie share a look before turning their parental stares on me. It’s a good thing I’m not their kid. I couldn’t get away with shit in this house. “You guys worry too much,” I say, waving them off. “Yeah, it’s a little unorthodox, but it’s me and Viv. We’re not exactly rule followers, you know? We’re not like you two, or even Ollie and Fallon. We’re not gonna walk down the aisle any time soon. Viv doesn’t do relationships, and that’s fine by me. It’s not like I have time for one anyway. Plus, she’s graduating, so where would that even leave us? I mean, yeah, we’re still gonna see each other over the next sixty years or so because of you guys and that little princess of yours, but it’s cool. I can be cool.”
JT nods slowly, and that’s when I realize my rambling monologue has given me away.Fuck. Okay, I’m obviously not doing a good job of hiding my feelings for Viv from my best buddy. But that’s okay. He’s allowed to know, but Viv isn’t. I look toward the counter to see Maggie assembling a little purple plate of tiny veggies and itty-bitty bites of chicken. She turns to the sink to fill a sippy cup with water, and it doesn’t seem like she’s paying us any attention. That’s probably a good thing. I’m one hundred percent sure she’ll interrogate Viv later, but that’s got nothing to do with me.
