“I didn’t mean it that way. It was just the quickest way to answer without giving an explanation I didn’t have time nor the desire to provide.”
“So you’re okay with someone else thinking they have something going on with you, and not in an abstract way, because clearly…” I wave my hands, implying it’s happened before. “Because you don’t want to take the time and energy to say no? There are several ways you could have answered that text that wouldn’t have left the window open, but you did. Maybe you wanted to keep all your options on the table.”
“No,” he replies with a scoff of disbelief.
“Okay, then tell me why you asked for a rain check.”
“I just told you. I answered the simplest way I knew how in the moment. It wasn’t even a thought for me to reschedule. I hadn’t thought about her at all until she texted, and even then, she wasn’t important enough to deal with at the time.”
“But it isn’t just dealing with her, it clearly also affects me.”
“It wouldn’t have if you hadn’t looked through my phone.”
“Ah… and there it is. Instead of taking responsibility, it becomes my fault.”
Boone’s mouth opens, but nothing other than air escapes for a long breath, until he finally says, “That isn’t… No, it’s not your fault,” but his denial comes too late.
“I know I shouldn’t have looked at your phone, but the truth is, presented with the same situation, I would probably do it again. I tried to make excuses why I shouldn’t be upset. We just met, no boundaries have been set, and you didn’t outright accept her invitation to meet up, but that’s not good enough, because I would never do that to you, which means you should never do it to me.”
Boone meets my stare head-on, but his gaze holds something that wasn’t there before—understanding.
Boone
It takes Harlyn laying it out like I’m a toddler for me to actually get why what I did was a big deal. It is a big deal. “You’re right,” I admit, my voice tight with emotion. “If I would have seen the messages, it would have bothered me.”
Harlyn tips her head back until it hits the cushion behind her, but she says nothing in response to my confession. I feel the need to fill the silence, but I’m not sure what else to say.
I’m still a little irritated that she read my messages, even after knowing I would likely do the same. Hell, I got territorialwhen she was talking with the hotel clerk. If it crossed my mind that she might have been willing to arrange a future hookup, I probably would have blown up.
“Why didn’t you say anything last night?”
She averts her eyes from me, pretending to find something out the window interesting. “Scared, I guess.” She shrugs.
“You’re scared of me?” Damn, I don’t like hearing that.
“Not like that.” Her dismissal comes easily. “I was scared you would be mad that I read the messages, but I didn’t think you would hurt me or anything. I think I was more afraid to find out why you answered like that, and why that was still on the table when…” She doesn’t finish, but I don’t need her to. I know what she means.
“I wish you would have talked to me. I could tell something was off last night, but I just thought, hell, I don’t know what I thought beyond the fact that the last few days have been a mess, so I wouldn’t blame you for shutting down a little bit.”
“Maybe I should have,” she agrees, and we lapse into silence again. This thing between us still isn’t fixed, and I want it to be. I hate that I added to the shit she’s already dealing with, but she was so quick to cut and run, and that needs to be addressed too.
I ask her what’s really on my mind. “Were you afraid because you didn’t have anywhere else to go? Is that why you really stayed if it bothered you so much?”
“No,” she scoffs. “I stayed because I wanted it to be a misunderstanding, because I didn’t want to believe what I was reading, and that made me feel like crap, because if I was willing to put up with that already, then what’s going to happen when I really—” She rolls her lips in as if refusing to finish what she was about to say.
“When you really what?”
She shakes her head, refusing to entertain my question. “Then why were you so quick to want to get the hell away from me today?”
Harlyn’s eyes narrow into near slits, but it’s her dull tone that bothers me more when she answers, “I’d beg for my sister, because she can’t fight for herself anymore, but I will not allow myself to accept less from somebody than I am willing to give. Whether you believe it or not, the way you answered her was wrong. I see it as wrong, anyway, and the way you acted when you found out was… what it was. You didn’t want to hear what I had to say, didn’t want to believe me, and I get it. You don’t even know me. All this” —she waves her hand, pointing back and forth between us— “is rushed and messy, but my feelings are involved, and I can’t help that, so tell me, Boone, what should I have done? Because I’m already in way too deep, and clearly you aren’t.” Her limp hands fall into her lap in what seems like defeat.
“You’re wrong.” I scoot off the bed and make it to the chair she strategically positioned herself in in three strides. Her head tilts back as her eyes widen a fraction. I grasp both arms of the chair in lieu of gripping her, because I feel like I need to be grounded when I say this. “I am in deep, so deep it scares me more than I want to admit, which is why I need to know you aren’t going to cut and run the moment we don’t agree on something. I get you didn’t go looking for something on my phone. Hell, I can even admit I would probably have done the same thing, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to address it from both sides.”
“I tried that, and you acted like you couldn’t see why the message bothered me. That’s what I have a problem with. I mean, I didn’t like knowing it appeared like you were keeping your options open, but the worst part was knowing you don’tsee it as wrong, and I do. I won’t change my mind on that.” She shakes her head in denial as if to demonstrate it further.
I try to lower myself, but it ends up being easier to kneel in front of her. “I didn’t see the problem with my response.” I hold up one finger to stop her retort when she opens her mouth. “Because it never entered my mind that I would see her again… in that way. It really was just a way to let her know I was no longer available.”
“See how easy that was?” Harlyn says. “You could have said exactly that,I’m no longer available, just as easily.”
